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MrW TAC’13 Schnitzel/Mir/Sakura(de/ru/ja) | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Language Learning Log |  | |
| mrwarper Diglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Spain forum_posts.asp?TID=Registered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5229 days ago 1493 posts - 2500 votes  Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2 Studies: German, Russian, Japanese | Message 41 of 53 26 February 2013 at 7:38am | IP Logged | ||
Hi!
Well, life still sucks big time for the most part, but thanks for asking ;) I'm on the verge of terminating (just a few hours away, hopefully) the last work-related loose ends that have weighted heavily in preventing me from doing other stuff for years. I've also been undergoing some deep self-analysis that finally made me completely understand why I have been so depressed for the last five years or so* and, this is the good part, understanding prepared me to handle it and many underlying issues in such an easy way that it's almost a sure thing that this superb feeling that's gone over me the last few days is here to stay for quite a while. However, even that 'psych-up' doesn't mean I'm feeling too optimistic about actually getting more study done in the future (almost none so far this year) -- it is certainly (and hopefully) a possibility but, as I said before, I've also been saying that I need to move to another country for nearly ten years now and that hasn't happened yet either, no matter why. If that counts as an example of how reliable my projects are... Stuff keeps happening, just cross your fingers and stay tuned ;) Overly sensitive people please don't read the following. *Ironically, all this time I've actually been told by long-time friends that I looked happier on average than my usual self of previous times. The truth is --it all seems so obvious now-- I was building up and mishandling a depression. I was doing my very best to not let any negativity undeservedly pour on others and at the same time I gave in a little to all the problems and blows that came my way seemingly in flocks these last years (from relatively trivial stuff to staying by my grandfather's bed at hospital for a month and see him get over crisis after crisis, and building hopes on his recovery until he unexpectedly died). As a result, I was feeling worse and worse and I didn't know why, because I unconsciously refused to recapitulate and think about all I had gone through -- and I actually did it only when too much pressure built up. Whenever I didn't need to appear in public I felt exhausted and in the end I resorted to a bubble pretty much all of the time and I simply let my life stagnate in any area that let me do so -- for years. Fortunately it's all over now, so please don't feel bad for me because of anything I just said -- I just regret it took me so long to straighten things up. At least I hope you'll understand now why I traditionally didn't like commenting on any 'personal' stuff about myself. Edited by mrwarper on 26 February 2013 at 7:47am 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| Brun Ugle Diglot Senior Member Norway brunugle.wordpress.c Joined 6623 days ago 1292 posts - 1766 votes Speaks: English*, NorwegianC1 Studies: Japanese, Esperanto, Spanish, Finnish | Message 42 of 53 26 February 2013 at 2:44pm | IP Logged | ||
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Depression is very difficult to deal with, so I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. I also tended to fight it and look happy in public, but I'm finally learning that it's better to just accept it and deal with it than to pretend there's nothing wrong until it gets out of hand.
1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| mrwarper Diglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Spain forum_posts.asp?TID=Registered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5229 days ago 1493 posts - 2500 votes Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2 Studies: German, Russian, Japanese | Message 43 of 53 26 February 2013 at 8:27pm | IP Logged | ||
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Thanks Brun :)
Yeah, well, in my case it wasn't about looking happy -- that was an inevitable necessary side effect of keeping MY problems away from others when I noticed it negatively affected some overly sensitive souls. The down side of doing that is, it takes its toll on whatever energy you have available for perhaps more important stuff. Also, the main reason why I was giving in to the extra burden (besides work) of accumulated problems (which could have been prevented from piling up if I had made sure I was done with each one each time before moving on) was I simply forgot what the exact root causes of many of them were and how they 'came together'. I just needed to 'reboot' to acquire some perspective so I could see the best way and order to deal with every individual problem with the least possible effort: attack the hydra at its heart, not at its heads. Now that the problems are mostly gone it's only natural that I feel much better ALL of the time and that I don't need to constantly isolate myself in a bubble to recover from 'normal' life any more. It was just a matter of applying to my own life what I always tell my science students to do: even if you think you're running out of time, sit down and make sure you fully understand the problem before you even try to work on it. You'll be surprised how faster doing so is in the end. I hope this can be useful for others to acquire a bit more perspective too. The up side is, any energy that I would normally need for further analysis and inefficient dealing with problems can now be devoted to having some real fun and who knows, maybe even some language learning again too. ;) 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| g-bod Diglot Senior Member United KingdomRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5985 days ago 1485 posts - 2002 votes Speaks: English*, Japanese Studies: French, German | Message 44 of 53 26 February 2013 at 9:23pm | IP Logged | ||
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On the odd occasion when I have been floored by my mind working against my best interests, there has always been an element of me telling myself and everyone else that everything is ok, really. It was only with a bit of distance and perspective that I could see at every time there was some quite serious and nasty stuff going on and I was just trying too hard with the British stiff upper lip and not actually dealing with things. It seems not every problem will go away if you just ignore it.
Anyway, insight is an amazing thing, so I hope the positivity continues because I really enjoy reading about people having fun with languages (selfish, I know!) 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| Josquin Heptaglot Senior Member Germany Joined 4847 days ago 2266 posts - 3992 votes Speaks: German*, English, French, Latin, Italian, Russian, Swedish Studies: Japanese, Irish, Portuguese, Persian | Message 45 of 53 10 March 2013 at 2:01pm | IP Logged | ||
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Hey mrwarper,
I know what's it like when your psyche keeps you from doing things and living a "normal" life (whatever that may be like...), but I hope your problems have got better. It seems like everybody on Team MIR had a more or less rough start into 2013, so your team feels with you. Have you done any Russian lately? It would be great to read about some progress from you, but don't set yourself under pressure. Be well first, then do what you feel like. Best of luck! Удачи и успехов! 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| mrwarper Diglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Spain forum_posts.asp?TID=Registered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5229 days ago 1493 posts - 2500 votes Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2 Studies: German, Russian, Japanese | Message 46 of 53 16 March 2013 at 10:29am | IP Logged | ||
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Thanks for dropping by Josquin!
One of the things I dread/hate the most whenever I comment on how I've been feeling, etc. is that you usually have to go through lengthy explanations about something hardly worth the time (kind of off-topic here for starters) simply to avoid people getting all kinds of wrong ideas... You just can't have anything really severe for years, if it's physical it kills you, if it's mental you kill yourself — and if you don't, I think it's not appropriate to label it 'severe' in the first place (which doesn't mean you can't be *immensely* glad to get rid of it). So, yes, I'm pretty much fine, just with generally 'Feeling good, let's go for a walk' overtones instead of the usual 'Time to get out there... again? Damn, I like the cave so much!'. Actually the thing I feel best about is that most of my decisions haven't changed one bit, which means besides feeling bad for completely stupid reasons I was handling everything else in life quite rationally. Thanks everyone for all the support... BTW @g-bod: I don't think anyone likes reading about people *not* having fun with languages, so what exactly is wrong with *that kind of* selfishness? ;) @Josquin: about my Russian, you should have read about it at the Team Mir thread -- everything keeps looking better but I haven't done much for real yet. The 'sad' thing is my German is pretty much going the same way, and I feel a bit guilty because I'm wasting your excellent support as a German godfather -- but I don't think I can use it before I've studied enough to make only inevitable mistakes (which isn't the case when one doesn't study beforehand), or I'd feel like wasting your time and not just my opportunity. Kind of a catch-22, I know... Keep tuned, I hope to get back to it some time :) Edited by mrwarper on 16 March 2013 at 10:31am 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| BAnna Triglot Senior Member United States Joined 4625 days ago 409 posts - 616 votes Speaks: English*, German, Spanish Studies: Russian, Turkish | Message 47 of 53 16 March 2013 at 3:51pm | IP Logged | ||
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The above discussion has started me thinking about what our expectations are about language learning (and life in general). We naturally tend to want the bright side: "fun", effortlessness and to appear competent in the eyes of others and ourselves, but in order to progress in any area we must put forth effort, experience monotony and be willing to have our egos crushed, again and again. The results are what make it worthwhile. What is the image of ourselves that we want to believe? That we are in control, know what we are doing, are intelligent, good, honorable, etc. When we learn a language or pursue novel ways of living, we must reveal our weaknesses: making the same mistakes over and over again, appearing idiotic and foolish to others, misunderstandings, utter incomprehension...not fun at all, more of a Sisyphean task and we are fortunate indeed if we have others with whom we can share our struggles.
I am currently reading a book by Hannah Arendt, The Human Condition, in which she talks about what a "hero" is: a free being willing to act and speak, to insert one's self into the world. She says what is essential to the hero is that his/her "courage and boldness are already present in leaving one's private hiding place, and showing who one is, in disclosing and exposing one's self" That is our task if we are to live well. My best wishes to you, mrwarper and thank you. 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| Expugnator Hexaglot Senior Member Brazil Joined 5169 days ago 3335 posts - 4349 votes Speaks: Portuguese*, Norwegian, French, English, Italian, Papiamento Studies: Mandarin, Georgian, Russian | Message 48 of 53 16 March 2013 at 6:50pm | IP Logged | ||
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How inspiring are these words, BAnna. I am an advocate of hard-working myself, I never
expect magical results, be it in languages, health & the gym, creativity or in my professional life. That is what I like about language-learning: it makes me realize that the progress is the result of my own effort, while at the same time I should know I have to be humble enough to ask for help of the others and that by helping each other we can make the whole path smoother. Besides, what you said about making mistakes is also true: knowing that I can make mistakes all the times with languages, I learn that I must admit this also in other aspects of life. I need to check this book by Hannah Arendt, sounds interesting. I admire the way she prevents from splitting human beings into two, a social life and an inner life, and tries to view the human being as a whole. 1 person has voted this message useful |
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