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Would you find it disrespectful? | ||
Tags: Relationship | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages |  | |
| pesahson Diglot Senior Member Poland Joined 5730 days ago 448 posts - 840 votes  Speaks: Polish*, English Studies: French, Portuguese, Norwegian | Message 33 of 61 16 July 2012 at 8:40pm | IP Logged | |||||
No need for sarcasm. I put the important part in bold. Enthusiasm can make challenges worth it. 3 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| beano Diglot Senior Member United KingdomRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4624 days ago 1049 posts - 2152 votes Speaks: English*, German Studies: Russian, Serbian, Hungarian | Message 34 of 61 16 July 2012 at 9:14pm | IP Logged | |||||
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My wife was already fluent in English when me met and we have always lived in the UK. My German was limited to a few phrases I could recall from school, but I resolved to learn German and - 8 years later - I can speak the language comfortably with natives.
I would never have needed German for my home life in Britain but an international marriage also involves communication with your partner's family and friends back home. I would have felt silly going to Germany and not being able to communicate with anyone without my wife translating for me (the assumption that every German speaks perfect English does not apply in the former GDR). Edited by beano on 16 July 2012 at 9:16pm 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| beano Diglot Senior Member United KingdomRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4624 days ago 1049 posts - 2152 votes Speaks: English*, German Studies: Russian, Serbian, Hungarian | Message 35 of 61 16 July 2012 at 9:19pm | IP Logged | |||||
Depends on where you live. Your girlfriend would struggle with life in Germany if she didn't want to learn German. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| pesahson Diglot Senior Member Poland Joined 5730 days ago 448 posts - 840 votes Speaks: Polish*, English Studies: French, Portuguese, Norwegian | Message 36 of 61 16 July 2012 at 9:24pm | IP Logged | |||||
You have a point but that's a completely different issue. The question was if someone should learn a language only because of love interest. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| prz_ Tetraglot Senior Member Poland last.fm/user/prz_rul Joined 4861 days ago 890 posts - 1190 votes Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish | Message 37 of 61 16 July 2012 at 9:45pm | IP Logged | |||||
I've felt such need. For me it's an enormous shame, pure egoism and treating unfair his/her partner. 2 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| pesahson Diglot Senior Member Poland Joined 5730 days ago 448 posts - 840 votes Speaks: Polish*, English Studies: French, Portuguese, Norwegian | Message 38 of 61 16 July 2012 at 9:47pm | IP Logged | |||||
Pure egoism is when one expects other person to learn a certain language only because it happens to be one's mother tongue. 3 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| prz_ Tetraglot Senior Member Poland last.fm/user/prz_rul Joined 4861 days ago 890 posts - 1190 votes Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish | Message 39 of 61 16 July 2012 at 10:09pm | IP Logged | |||||
In my opinion people in international marriages, after 10 years, should pass A2 exam of knowledge of their partners' native languages (I know it would be sometimes hard to prove, but well...) I know it's drastic, but that's how I think and I won't change my mind easily. Sorry, but the situations like with my aunt, who knows Italian almost perfectly, completely opposite to my uncle, who can't even learn simple Polish phrases after 15 years of their marriage is a shame for humanity. 3 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| Majka Triglot Senior Member Czech Republic kofoholici.wordpress Joined 4659 days ago 307 posts - 755 votes Speaks: Czech*, German, English Studies: French Studies: Russian | Message 40 of 61 16 July 2012 at 10:11pm | IP Logged | |||||
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I find that the scenario is something one should discuss when thinking about getting married (or living together) with a person with different native language (or cultural background). The reason for me isn't the language learning itself, but the expectations people bring in such arrangement.
For me, there would be two different situations: 1. Living in "my" country or nearby. My family is very close-knit. We are meeting often, spending part of vacations together, alternating where we spend Christmas etc. I would expect my significant other to become part of this family, including such visits. Would my partner be comfortable visiting and not being able to directly communicate with at least half of the present persons? There would be adjustments on the family's side, of course, but my partner should be forewarned. Again, it isn't really simple question of learning "my" language. The real question is whether he is ready to accept not only me but the whole package coming with me, the whole extended family. I see less problems with friends - when necessary, there could be a division in "my friends", "his friends" and "our friends". 2. Living far from my family. I can see a relationship, where we would live far away. I would become automatically something of an outsider in our family - phone contact is not enough to stay in the loop. I wouldn't really expect my partner to learn Czech - even one or two visits in a year aren't enough to really necessitate it. The question in such case isn't "Does he learn Czech?" but "Is he ready to travel with me and visit my family when possible?" I would think very hard about a long-term relationship should the answer be "no" to the second question. As you see, there still would be lot to discuss. Going in a relationship with expectations the partner didn't hear is a recipe for disaster, in my opinion. Laying cards on the table is best way to find a compromise both partner can live with. Partnership is just this - partnership - and it should be possible to find a reasonable solution so that both partners are happy or at least at peace with the arrangement. 2 persons have voted this message useful |
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