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Germans and Dating | ||
Tags: Relationship | German | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages |  | |
| LebensForm Senior Member Austria Joined 5053 days ago 212 posts - 264 votes  Studies: German | Message 1 of 6 04 June 2012 at 2:35am | IP Logged |
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I am well aware of Germans being direct. I am currently "seeing"
someone who is from Germany, that's why seeing was in quotes as it is currently long distance, until 8 weeks. I do mus admit however, that I get a bit annoywed with his approach of contact, I find it hard to talk to him about things because I seem to always get a one maybe two word answer and I know it is nothing personal but I guess I just hope when I come to visit him that will make it easier to comunicate. Over the computer can be ineffective and I am not sure how much is that or cultural differences. Now, I am not by any means a romantic or needing grand amounts of affection and whatnot but I would like to know more about this in general... Germans and dating, how do German women and men ever find interest in each other? xD Obviously they make it work, jWhat are some other ways I could approach this situation with him? Would a German appreciate it if one also responded as direct as he would? Perhaps, I should just maintain a certian level of directness, beause I don't want to lose him. What are some other differences between Germans and Americans (or any other place) in dating?I would just like to start a discussion on relatiionships from different culture. Thanks xD LF Edited by LebensForm on 04 June 2012 at 2:36am 2 persons have voted this message useful | |
| Hekje Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 4706 days ago 842 posts - 1330 votes Speaks: English*, Dutch Studies: French, Indonesian | Message 2 of 6 04 June 2012 at 7:10am | IP Logged |
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We-ell... I don't think "direct" and "one- or two-word answers" are quite the same thing.
I also don't think that your boyfriend's behavior is necessarily just symptomatic of German culture. Here's something direct that all cultures can appreciate. Instead of asking the forum about what's going through your boyfriend's mind, why don't you ask him? ;) Edited by Hekje on 04 June 2012 at 7:11am 6 persons have voted this message useful | |
| Solfrid Cristin Heptaglot Winner TAC 2011 & 2012 Senior Member Norway Joined 5337 days ago 4143 posts - 8864 votes Speaks: Norwegian*, Spanish, Swedish, French, English, German, Italian Studies: Russian | Message 3 of 6 04 June 2012 at 9:15am | IP Logged |
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My considerable experience within cross cultural dating indicates that about 30% of a person's behaviour may be attributed to national culture, and 70% to the individual personality or his family culture. I am married to a guy who grew up 30 minutes from where I grew up, with similar education level both between us and our parents, and we have been working for the same company for 20 years, and yet there are times where I feel that we could not have been more different if he had grown up in Timbuktu.
I do not have any dating experiences with Germans, but the people I have met there on a friendship basis have - like most other people - been as different among themselves as is possible. I have met Germans who were very stiff and formal, and I have met people who I felt I had known my entire life after knowing them for 10 days. A direct approach seems like a good idea :-) 11 persons have voted this message useful | |
| druckfehler Triglot Senior Member Germany Joined 4871 days ago 1181 posts - 1912 votes Speaks: German*, EnglishC2, Korean Studies: Persian | Message 4 of 6 16 June 2012 at 12:59am | IP Logged |
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I think there's nothing particularly German about the behaviour you describe. He seems either not very communicative in general, not very communicative on the internet, very shy (although who is shy on the internet?), or not very interested. Do you have shared interests that you talk about? Does he ask you questions? Does he share what's going on in his life? If none of this applies I wonder why you're "seeing" each other. If you're just talking about his responses to your questions, maybe you could try asking more open-ended questions, like "what's your opinion on..." and ask about reasons for his opinions. I think it's more a matter of personality than a matter of being German how much someone talks.
-how do German women and men ever find interest in each other? xD Anyway, that's a good question! I think this song will clarify it for you :) Aurelie The finding of interest is not so much the problem as is the communication thereof. One thing German guys generally suck at is flirting. Or maybe I suck at flirting with German guys. Or maybe they just aren't interested in me when they aren't drunk. :D Either they are so forward (and in that case usually drunk) that it's off-putting or so subtle that you can never be certain about their intent (and will probably not even start to wonder about it). I guess if you like each other you hang out more and one day get drunk together, become very forward and take things from there. Or you start off being drunk and very forward and then back-paddle to the hanging out and getting to know each other part. Or you hang around each other a lot, stare at each other a lot and wonder if that means anything or if it's just the general German stare and in the end the whole thing comes to nothing. To be honest, I myself am kind of mystified as to how Germans ever manage to start dating each other. Any successful German dating I know of usually involves the girl being quite proactive. For all I know, Germans aren't exactly the type who will fight to be with you and tell you how much they like you without solid evidence that you like them (except if they're drunk, young, and/or extremely smitten). 4 persons have voted this message useful | |
| Laurae Diglot Groupie Germany Joined 5041 days ago 51 posts - 67 votes Speaks: English*, German Studies: French, Dutch | Message 5 of 6 22 June 2012 at 11:23am | IP Logged |
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I think you would find the Toytown discussions on dating of particular interest, for example this thread on dating German women :-)
http://www.toytowngermany.com/lofi/index.php/t133706.html 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| LebensForm Senior Member Austria Joined 5053 days ago 212 posts - 264 votes Studies: German | Message 6 of 6 03 July 2012 at 3:41am | IP Logged |
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Thank you all for your imput. Things are better, especially now that I get to see him very soon!!
Sometimes I think we are too much the same and at other times we are completely different. I think a lot of it was the hassile of communicating online. Thanks again all! 1 person has voted this message useful |
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