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kujichagulia Senior Member Japan Joined 4837 days ago 1031 posts - 1571 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Japanese, Portuguese
| Message 665 of 706 11 March 2015 at 7:04am | IP Logged |
Came across this quote from eyðimörk while reading dandt's Italian log (they were talking about anxieties about speaking in Italian, by the way):
eyðimörk wrote:
In my experience, the only way to get past this is to move forward, get past the anxiety-inducing event, and pick apart the anxiety that remains afterwards. I have some, let's call them serious and leave it at that, anxieties about the impression that I make in "real life". Even with the worst of it behind me, those anxieties come into play when speaking a language I feel less than masterful in. I can't even count the sleepless tearful nights, during my first year in France, before I got even better at dealing with it, that I spent going over French conversations in my head, making myself feel worse, until I finally manage to rationalise my way out of the downward spiral.
And this is what I learnt: preparation makes you feel better, but it only makes me feel better while I'm preparing. It doesn't lessen the anxiety during conversation. It doesn't lessen the anxieties after the fact. The inner perfectionist doesn't end up not finding something to latch on to. Preparation mostly just delays the inevitable.
Mind you, I am all for preparation. Prepare some phrases on a piece of paper before making a phone call. Look up the necessary words before talking to the plumber. But you don't need to prepare for a week for a phone call, for example. You're not going to be that much better and most of that time is spent appeasing anxiety that would already have passed if you didn't keep "preparing".
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What an insightful piece of advice that is! And it hit home for me in ways posts in people's logs usually don't.
Some of you might know that I go to a fitness club five days a week. I sometimes want to talk to people at the fitness club but don't know what to say. I've written out mock conversations about a few different topics to talk about at the fitness club when I go, and I had them checked at Lang-8. But I still get anxious about the whole situation. My thinking is that I don't want to look like a fool when I speak Japanese. I don't want to mess up and mispronounce a word or forget what to say because of my nervousness; that sort of thing has happened to me many times. But I found that, even though I took some time to practice conversations beforehand, I still make mistakes when actually speaking to someone. Or the conversation goes in a direction that I didn't expect it to go, and I'm left wondering how to say something in Japanese, and the whole conversation derails.
I suppose that no matter how much time I put into practice beforehand, there are going to be (a lot of) conversations where I simply screw up, and I can't really do anything about it other than keep my chin up and continue to work on my Japanese. No amount of practice is going to get rid of my anxiety, so I just need to try to let it go and hope for the best.
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| Lakeseayesno Tetraglot Senior Member Mexico thepolyglotist.com Joined 4324 days ago 280 posts - 488 votes Speaks: English, Spanish*, Japanese, Italian Studies: Esperanto, French
| Message 666 of 706 11 March 2015 at 8:18pm | IP Logged |
kujichagulia wrote:
Some of you might know that I go to a fitness club five days a week. I sometimes want to talk to people at the fitness club but don't know what to say. I've written out mock conversations about a few different topics to talk about at the fitness club when I go, and I had them checked at Lang-8. But I still get anxious about the whole situation. My thinking is that I don't want to look like a fool when I speak Japanese. I don't want to mess up and mispronounce a word or forget what to say because of my nervousness; that sort of thing has happened to me many times. But I found that, even though I took some time to practice conversations beforehand, I still make mistakes when actually speaking to someone. Or the conversation goes in a direction that I didn't expect it to go, and I'm left wondering how to say something in Japanese, and the whole conversation derails.
I suppose that no matter how much time I put into practice beforehand, there are going to be (a lot of) conversations where I simply screw up, and I can't really do anything about it other than keep my chin up and continue to work on my Japanese. No amount of practice is going to get rid of my anxiety, so I just need to try to let it go and hope for the best. |
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Before replying to the actual matter at hand, I'm surprised how often the word anxiety has come up in people's logs recently. What is it about practicing what we've been working at for so long that makes us so anxious? I guess that deep down, we all have a certain degree of perfectionism that contributes to that.
I used to believe practice was going to make me perfect when I finally had a chance to put my knowledge to the test, but like you, I often ended up feeling even more foolish when I had failed to hold myself up to the standards I had set up for myself. Nowadays, I've realized while they really appreciate the effort I've put into speaking their language really well, the Japanese don't expect me to speak it perfectly. Knowing that, I feel more comfortable asking (or using what I call my secret weapon: description! You know, when you don't know the word for "conference", you move on to "y'know, when a lot of people gather and discuss something...").
There's also something about Japanese culture that makes you want to stay level with the rest. It's part pressure to excel, part pressure to conform, and it affects you all the more when you're taking part of their culture. When that gets together with personal need for perfection, it's a recipe for disaster.
All the best, kujichagulia... keep your head above the water, try your best and don't beat yourself up when it didn't go your way. 当たって砕けろ!
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| kujichagulia Senior Member Japan Joined 4837 days ago 1031 posts - 1571 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Japanese, Portuguese
| Message 667 of 706 16 March 2015 at 4:33am | IP Logged |
Lakeseayesno wrote:
Before replying to the actual matter at hand, I'm surprised how often the word anxiety has come up in people's logs recently. What is it about practicing what we've been working at for so long that makes us so anxious? I guess that deep down, we all have a certain degree of perfectionism that contributes to that.
I used to believe practice was going to make me perfect when I finally had a chance to put my knowledge to the test, but like you, I often ended up feeling even more foolish when I had failed to hold myself up to the standards I had set up for myself. Nowadays, I've realized while they really appreciate the effort I've put into speaking their language really well, the Japanese don't expect me to speak it perfectly. Knowing that, I feel more comfortable asking (or using what I call my secret weapon: description! You know, when you don't know the word for "conference", you move on to "y'know, when a lot of people gather and discuss something...").
There's also something about Japanese culture that makes you want to stay level with the rest. It's part pressure to excel, part pressure to conform, and it affects you all the more when you're taking part of their culture. When that gets together with personal need for perfection, it's a recipe for disaster.
All the best, kujichagulia... keep your head above the water, try your best and don't beat yourself up when it didn't go your way. 当たって砕けろ! |
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ありがとうございます! I'll try not to beat myself up too much.
I don't know if it's because of Japanese culture, but I do feel pressure to conform. But that is pressure applied by myself. I'm so different from everybody else, so I have this need to "show people" that I can fit in, that I can speak Japanese, that I'm not so different from you. That, plus the fact that I don't like to make mistakes, is definitely a recipe for disaster, and situations in which I mess up can leave me feeling depressed for long periods of time.
1 person has voted this message useful
| Lakeseayesno Tetraglot Senior Member Mexico thepolyglotist.com Joined 4324 days ago 280 posts - 488 votes Speaks: English, Spanish*, Japanese, Italian Studies: Esperanto, French
| Message 668 of 706 17 March 2015 at 2:43am | IP Logged |
kujichagulia wrote:
I don't know if it's because of Japanese culture, but I do feel pressure to conform. But that is pressure applied by myself. I'm so different from everybody else, so I have this need to "show people" that I can fit in, that I can speak Japanese, that I'm not so different from you. That, plus the fact that I don't like to make mistakes, is definitely a recipe for disaster, and situations in which I mess up can leave me feeling depressed for long periods of time. |
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I was like that too. Nobody forces us to conform, but we want people to know that we don't want to stick out, that we enjoy and respect their culture... and then we end up a nervous wreck because we try very hard to achieve a standard set by ourselves. :P Nobody asks you to be perfect, but you want to be. But it's so tiring and it drives you nuts!
When written down thus, you sort of end up asking yourself "何やってんの、私?!" Been there, done that. Nowadays, I still try to excel, but when I have a mistake pointed out to me I laugh it off while making a note about it. I know I'll never have the know-how of a native, but I also know I'm not expected to and that the effort I've put into this language is plenty appreciated anyway. (Also, if I let mistakes in Japanese affect me like they did when I was twenty, it'd take a crane to get me out of bed every day.)
Consider mistakes as tiny blips in your personal timeline, stumbles you should mind for just enough to learn from them. Then let them go. Not liking mistakes is not a bad mindset, but if this mindset leads to you getting depressed, it's not only unproductive, but also harmful.
お互いに頑張りましょう。
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| kujichagulia Senior Member Japan Joined 4837 days ago 1031 posts - 1571 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Japanese, Portuguese
| Message 669 of 706 06 April 2015 at 1:43pm | IP Logged |
Lakeseayesno wrote:
kujichagulia wrote:
I don't know if it's because of Japanese culture, but I do feel pressure to conform. But that is pressure applied by myself. I'm so different from everybody else, so I have this need to "show people" that I can fit in, that I can speak Japanese, that I'm not so different from you. That, plus the fact that I don't like to make mistakes, is definitely a recipe for disaster, and situations in which I mess up can leave me feeling depressed for long periods of time. |
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I was like that too. Nobody forces us to conform, but we want people to know that we don't want to stick out, that we enjoy and respect their culture... and then we end up a nervous wreck because we try very hard to achieve a standard set by ourselves. :P Nobody asks you to be perfect, but you want to be. But it's so tiring and it drives you nuts!
When written down thus, you sort of end up asking yourself "何やってんの、私?!" Been there, done that. Nowadays, I still try to excel, but when I have a mistake pointed out to me I laugh it off while making a note about it. I know I'll never have the know-how of a native, but I also know I'm not expected to and that the effort I've put into this language is plenty appreciated anyway. (Also, if I let mistakes in Japanese affect me like they did when I was twenty, it'd take a crane to get me out of bed every day.)
Consider mistakes as tiny blips in your personal timeline, stumbles you should mind for just enough to learn from them. Then let them go. Not liking mistakes is not a bad mindset, but if this mindset leads to you getting depressed, it's not only unproductive, but also harmful.
お互いに頑張りましょう。 |
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私の返事は遅いんですが、 本当に ありがとうございました! These are really inspirational words for me.
* * * * *
I'm sorry I haven't been around HTLAL for a while. I was transferred to a new school around the beginning of April. This is my first transfer in six years, but more importantly... well, to put it simply, I was just transferred from one of the worst public schools in the area to one of the best (academically). I've never taught at a school with this high of an academic reputation before, and the work culture is quite different. I only found out I was being transferred less than two weeks before I was to begin at the new school, and I've had to get used to a lot and learn a lot. But the whole situation has been surprisingly mentally taxing. Unfortunately, that means that my language learning has taken a back seat the last two weeks or so. Aside from some streaming video from RTP in Portugal, my Portuguese time has been literally zero, and my Japanese would probably be zero if I were not in Japan.
Anyway, I'm getting used to my school, and I'll be trying to get my language learning back on track as well.
Edited by kujichagulia on 06 April 2015 at 1:45pm
3 persons have voted this message useful
| kraemder Senior Member United StatesRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5174 days ago 1497 posts - 1648 votes Speaks: English* Studies: German, Spanish, Japanese
| Message 670 of 706 06 April 2015 at 4:20pm | IP Logged |
A new job is always stressful until you get used to it. It sounds like a good transfer though.
1 person has voted this message useful
| Serpent Octoglot Senior Member Russian Federation serpent-849.livejour Joined 6587 days ago 9753 posts - 15779 votes 4 sounds Speaks: Russian*, English, FinnishC1, Latin, German, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese Studies: Danish, Romanian, Polish, Belarusian, Ukrainian, Croatian, Slovenian, Catalan, Czech, Galician, Dutch, Swedish
| Message 671 of 706 07 April 2015 at 1:17am | IP Logged |
Congratulations!
A new job also means new people who've never seen you as a beginner :) And a new school library :)
Don't worry about producing a good impression with your Japanese. The best impression you can make is that you're willing to speak it no matter what, even if you make mistakes and have to use circumlocutions etc. And perfectionism may backfire. It's good that they've not seen your worst level ever, but the sooner they see your current worst (which can't be as bad as you think), the better :) Otherwise you may end up getting anxious over being exposed as a fraud etc.
How does this affect your commutes?
Edited by Serpent on 07 April 2015 at 1:18am
2 persons have voted this message useful
| kraemder Senior Member United StatesRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5174 days ago 1497 posts - 1648 votes Speaks: English* Studies: German, Spanish, Japanese
| Message 672 of 706 07 April 2015 at 7:35am | IP Logged |
Serpent wrote:
Congratulations!
A new job also means new people who've never seen you as a beginner :) And a new school library :)
Don't worry about producing a good impression with your Japanese. The best impression you can make is
that you're willing to speak it no matter what, even if you make mistakes and have to use circumlocutions
etc. And perfectionism may backfire. It's good that they've not seen your worst level ever, but the sooner
they see your current worst (which can't be as bad as you think), the better :) Otherwise you may end up
getting anxious over being exposed as a fraud etc.
How does this affect your commutes? |
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I'm getting self conscious just reading this lol.
I dunno. I fearlessly speak Japanese at any time and I don't care about mistakes which I am sure I make
en masse. You're a foreigner - it's normal why worry about it?
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