PinkCordelia Diglot Newbie Wales Joined 4745 days ago 31 posts - 77 votes Speaks: English*, French Studies: Italian, Welsh
| Message 9 of 18 22 October 2011 at 8:04pm | IP Logged |
leosmith wrote:
1) be an L2 native speaker.
2) be talkative and communicative
3) be interested in you and attracted to you
4) be interesting to you and attractive to you
5) understand your language goals, and be eager to help you
6) be willing to stick to L2
7) focus on communication, rather than perfection
8) focus on nurturing your language, rather than correcting you
9) be patient
10) instigate conversation about half the time, and listen about half the time
11) be available when you need her to be
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I once found most of these qualities in an Italian male and our relationship, though a
mere 3 months, improved my Italian no end. We spent about 80 hours a week together.
He was only 3 years old and his mother was paying me to look after him. The only rule
he broke was sometimes getting quite stern when correcting me. And he probably didn't
understand my language goals as such ...
But I'm not being entirely flippant. We spoke to communicate and we had fun - that's
what was most important and therefore the language flowed. But the language was never
the most important thing. And I guess that's how it needs to be in a romantic
relationship.
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William Camden Hexaglot Senior Member United Kingdom Joined 6206 days ago 1936 posts - 2333 votes Speaks: English*, German, Spanish, Russian, Turkish, French
| Message 10 of 18 26 October 2011 at 1:55pm | IP Logged |
Some time ago I posted about British officers in India who learned local languages from their concubines. The only problem with this was that they learned feminine verb forms this way, so they would scandalise their soldiers by shouting orders at them using forms of address an Indian woman, not a man would use.
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pfn123 Senior Member Australia Joined 5017 days ago 171 posts - 291 votes Speaks: English*
| Message 11 of 18 27 October 2011 at 1:09pm | IP Logged |
leosmith wrote:
I've heard the term "long-haired dictionary" refers to a sailor's way of coping with the language barrier abroad. Date a local woman, and let her translate. Thus, she is the "long-haired dictionary". |
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So, really more a 'long-haired phrasebook'. lol
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Lucky Charms Diglot Senior Member Japan lapacifica.net Joined 6883 days ago 752 posts - 1711 votes Speaks: English*, Japanese Studies: German, Spanish
| Message 12 of 18 02 February 2012 at 2:38pm | IP Logged |
William Camden wrote:
Some time ago I posted about British officers in India who
learned local languages from their concubines. The only problem with this was that they
learned feminine verb forms this way, so they would scandalise their soldiers by
shouting orders at them using forms of address an Indian woman, not a man would use.
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This is a rather famous problem among straight male Japanese learners. There are so
many guys who come to Japan for the girls, which is fine, but a significant subset of
this group tends to look down on Asian men and is not interested in making friends with
them. The irony is that because they limit most of their contact with the locals to
women (the vast majority of Japanese language teachers are also women), they end up
sounding like the Japanese stereotype of a gay man, which is especially hilarious when
combined with the macho casanova act that some of these guys put on :)
The moral: If you're straight and the language you're learning makes strong gender
distinctions, have your significant other introduce you to some of his/her friends of
the same sex as you. Make sure you offset your time with your partner with plenty of TV
and same-sex interaction.
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Arekkusu Hexaglot Senior Member Canada bit.ly/qc_10_lec Joined 5315 days ago 3971 posts - 7747 votes Speaks: English, French*, GermanC1, Spanish, Japanese, Esperanto Studies: Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Estonian
| Message 13 of 18 02 February 2012 at 3:20pm | IP Logged |
Lucky Charms wrote:
This is a rather famous problem among straight male Japanese learners. There are so many guys who come to Japan for the girls, which is fine, but a significant subset of this group tends to look down on Asian men and is not interested in making friends with them. |
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I had a discussion this weekend with a few Canadian guys who lived in Japan and some Japanese girls and the consensus was actually that it's harder for guys to make friends with Japanese guys as they tend to be intimidated by Western guys. I didn't live in Japan, so I can't corroborate their claims. We also concluded this was not the case with older guys who may be married already. I too have very few Japanese male friends -- but I think this is simply because there are fewer coming to my city as most of the university exchange agreements are with women-only universities.
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Lucky Charms Diglot Senior Member Japan lapacifica.net Joined 6883 days ago 752 posts - 1711 votes Speaks: English*, Japanese Studies: German, Spanish
| Message 14 of 18 02 February 2012 at 6:33pm | IP Logged |
Arekkusu wrote:
Lucky Charms wrote:
This is a rather famous problem among straight
male Japanese learners. There are so many guys who come to Japan for the girls, which
is fine, but a significant subset of this group tends to look down on Asian men and is
not interested in making friends with them. |
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I had a discussion this weekend with a few Canadian guys who lived in Japan and some
Japanese girls and the consensus was actually that it's harder for guys to make friends
with Japanese guys as they tend to be intimidated by Western guys. I didn't live in
Japan, so I can't corroborate their claims. We also concluded this was not the case
with older guys who may be married already. I too have very few Japanese male friends -
- but I think this is simply because there are fewer coming to my city as most of the
university exchange agreements are with women-only universities. |
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Thanks for your insight. I never realized that might be the case for some people. I'm
sure that most foreigners learning the language try to make local friends, and I didn't
mean to make it sound like every guy who comes here is sleazy.
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leosmith Senior Member United States Joined 6484 days ago 2365 posts - 3804 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Tagalog
| Message 15 of 18 02 February 2012 at 6:58pm | IP Logged |
Arekkusu wrote:
it's harder for guys to make friends with Japanese guys |
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This true in Japan and Thailand. And a complicating factor in Japan - we are in higher demand from the ladies there.
When I place an ad for language partners, I get about 10 to 1 women over men, for example. In Thailand I get about
equal demand from women and gay men.
China is different though. Demand is about equal. But I get more interest there overall too, so I can be picky.
Frankly, I think this whole fear of talking like the opposite sex is exaggerated. Sure, there are differences, but they
become so obvious with exposure that talking like the other gender is temporary.
2 persons have voted this message useful
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Arekkusu Hexaglot Senior Member Canada bit.ly/qc_10_lec Joined 5315 days ago 3971 posts - 7747 votes Speaks: English, French*, GermanC1, Spanish, Japanese, Esperanto Studies: Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Estonian
| Message 16 of 18 02 February 2012 at 8:20pm | IP Logged |
leosmith wrote:
Frankly, I think this whole fear of talking like the opposite sex is exaggerated. Sure, there are differences, but they
become so obvious with exposure that talking like the other gender is temporary. |
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I agree. Initially, I would be told that this or that sounded feminine, but despite having few male friends, no one ever mentions it anymore. Sometimes I ask whether I say anything that sounds feminine and there never seems to be any issues. I also think women talk less femininely when talking to men, especially if you know eachother well.
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