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Relationships in a third-party language | ||
Tags: Non-native Speakers | Relationship | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| beano Diglot Senior Member United KingdomRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4623 days ago 1049 posts - 2152 votes  Speaks: English*, German Studies: Russian, Serbian, Hungarian | Message 1 of 3 15 April 2013 at 1:26pm | IP Logged |
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When two people with different native tongues are in a long-term relationship, I reckon in most cases they will communicate at home in one of those languages, or perhaps a bit of both. Influential factors will be the language used at the start of the relationship, the language spoken in the country of residence and the respective command of each others' language.
The other scenario is that a third-party language is used. But how does this affect the depth of the relationship if the language of choice is not native to either person? 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| tarvos Super Polyglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member China likeapolyglot.wordpr Joined 4708 days ago 5310 posts - 9399 votes Speaks: Dutch*, English, Swedish, French, Russian, German, Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Afrikaans Studies: Greek, Modern Hebrew, Spanish, Portuguese, Czech, Korean, Esperanto, Finnish | Message 2 of 3 15 April 2013 at 2:52pm | IP Logged |
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Depends on how well both parties speak that language and how their relationship to that
language is. I was in a relationship where I spoke predominantly English and the other party could have chosen any of five for the relationship to work, but out of those five at the time only my English was sufficient (and I possessed some knowledge of French and German but I don't know if it would suffice for a relationship). Given her background and knowledge of English, which was native-level (as was mine), it didn't affect the depth and her cultural background enhanced the relationship. Now if a Spaniard and a Russian get together and only communicate in poor English it's a different story. Maybe two people moved abroad and met in a third country and speak the language of that country, or maybe they are a Russian and a German Jew communicating in Hebrew. It doesn't hugely matter. As long as the language knowledge is thorough no depth is lost. 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| caam_imt Triglot Senior Member Mexico Joined 4863 days ago 232 posts - 357 votes Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2, Finnish Studies: German, Swedish | Message 3 of 3 15 April 2013 at 3:42pm | IP Logged |
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In my case, the language of the relationship does matter. In the beginning we used to
communicate only in English, as it was our only common language and we both were quite good at it. As time went on, my Finnish improved and I started using it more and more with her. I noticed some friction in the beginning, but it always made sense for me that if one of us knows the native language of the other, why not use it? her argument against this, of course, was that I was not as proficient in Finnish compared to English, and I agreed on that. However, I have managed to improve it little by little, and we can now actually talk only in Finnish for an indefinite period of time. Even though my level of English is more than enough for our relationship, Spanish would be more comfortable. And I don't think it has anything to do with me not knowing English as well as my mother tongue, it's just the feeling that saying "te amo" sounds more authentic to me than "I love you". She doesn't know Spanish well enough, so our choices are English or Finnish, but I somehow feel closer to her while speaking Finnish. That being said though, she often claims that English is as natural as Finnish for her. So yeah, we both had to adjust a make compromises, but now everything is fine :) 1 person has voted this message useful |
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