gwyner Pentaglot Newbie United States Joined 5951 days ago 23 posts - 75 votes Speaks: English*, FrenchC1, GermanC1, ItalianB1, Russian Studies: Hungarian
| Message 1 of 11 04 May 2013 at 9:20am | IP Logged |
An article that might help out when you're in a language exchange and have no idea what to talk about after the first
few "What do you do for a living" and "How's the weather in Moscow"
Enjoy!
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solero Triglot Newbie SwedenRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4239 days ago 5 posts - 6 votes Speaks: Swedish*, English, Danish Studies: French
| Message 2 of 11 04 May 2013 at 11:25am | IP Logged |
Thanks, will be helpful for the language exchanges :)
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stifa Triglot Senior Member Norway lang-8.com/448715 Joined 4874 days ago 629 posts - 813 votes Speaks: Norwegian*, EnglishC2, German Studies: Japanese, Spanish
| Message 3 of 11 04 May 2013 at 12:01pm | IP Logged |
Cheers. :) Perhaps I might actually try doing a language exchange sometime...
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schoenewaelder Diglot Senior Member Germany Joined 5561 days ago 759 posts - 1197 votes Speaks: English*, French Studies: German, Spanish, Dutch
| Message 4 of 11 04 May 2013 at 1:14pm | IP Logged |
blog wrote:
List A:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
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One of the (many) things that I tend to be sceptical about, is psychological experiments, or rather, how the results of such experiments are generalised as applying to people/society in general. People have conflicting needs for privacy and intimacy. In certain circumstances, it can be very liberating to tell a complete stranger (e.g. your therapist or your partner in a psychological experiment) the most intimate and personal details of your life, but at other times, being asked such questions would be quite alienating. In the framework of an organised language exchange, I suspect those questions would be pretty useful. In terms of building a friendship (or simply a working relationship) with an individual language partner that you bumped into on the internet, I suspect some of them are too personal.
The final list (from reddit) seemed like more natural and appropriate questions for tentative relationship or friendship-building.
blog wrote:
What’s the last thing you’ve done for the very first time?
What’s your favorite food and where I can get it?
What is your favorite/least favorite word
What is your favorite/least favorite curse word?
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
What’s your LEAST favorite movie?
What are the top 3 websites you visit?
If the world was going to end and you knew it, what 3 things would you do?
What’s the best/worst gift you ever got?
What’s your favorite book/author?
If you could visit anywhere where would you go?
What’s something (not language related) that you wish you were better at?
What is something you can’t help but spend money on?
How would you describe yourself if you could only use five words?
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Edited by schoenewaelder on 04 May 2013 at 1:22pm
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solero Triglot Newbie SwedenRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4239 days ago 5 posts - 6 votes Speaks: Swedish*, English, Danish Studies: French
| Message 5 of 11 04 May 2013 at 2:43pm | IP Logged |
Well I would not try to use this list (or any list for that matter) to try to scientifically gain a new friendship. That
would be just plain strange. However, having a list of topics or things to talk about is quite nice at language
exchange meets. I often find myself talking about the same thing over and over again, and having some fresh ideas
helps.
In fact, I might bring a list like this one to a meet, put it on the table for everyone to see and we could do an
"around-the-table" of it.
Really anything goes, as long as we have something to talk about.
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tommus Senior Member CanadaRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5867 days ago 979 posts - 1688 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Dutch, French, Esperanto, German, Spanish
| Message 6 of 11 04 May 2013 at 6:04pm | IP Logged |
People like to talk about where they live. If you are doing an online exchange, find some good online maps of where you live and where your partner lives. Both of you look at the same online map and talk about the various places near where each other lives. Works wonders. You can supplement the maps with photos of sites, attractions, etc. A photo and/or a map is worth a 1000 words.
You could do something similar for face-to-face exchanges with printed maps/photos.
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Bao Diglot Senior Member Germany tinyurl.com/pe4kqe5 Joined 5767 days ago 2256 posts - 4046 votes Speaks: German*, English Studies: French, Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin
| Message 7 of 11 04 May 2013 at 10:38pm | IP Logged |
I agree with schoenewaelder. The thing about the participants in that experiment is that both of the conversation partners came from the same culture. That means both of them have a relatively similar idea of what the other person will think of as appropriate in a given setting. Speeding up the process of exchanging increasingly personal information is something that might only work when it's a task set by an outside authority. In the -very interesting book- I am reading, Forgas' 'Interpersonal Behaviour. The Psychology of Social Interaction', the author cites an experiment which indicates that if newly acquainted conversation partners are advised talk about the level of intimicy in their personal revelations, they will cooperate and agree on a level that works for both partners. When they aren't aware of the possibility of talking about it, one of them takes the lead. And if that partner tends to be much more open about topics the other person deems intimate, the other one easily feels threatened or disgusted by such behaviour.
My point is that when you interact with somebody from a different culture, it's not easy to know which topics are appropriate at a given time with a given conversation partner, and you might not even be able to tell when the other person starts feeling uncomfortable but not so much as to complain - yet.
What I personally find much more useful when talking to speakers of my target languages is anything related to differences and similarities in our cultural experiences. Especially being understanding of how difficult it is to deal with differences and using similarities to strengthen your connection can make it easier to get along with another person; at the same time such topics can help you gauge your conversation partner's idea of whether a certain topic or a certain way of talking about a topic might be appropriate or welcome. In case you wonder - I don't use such strategies to manipulate other people, but to make myself like them better and make it easier for me to get along with them.
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Arekkusu Hexaglot Senior Member Canada bit.ly/qc_10_lec Joined 5382 days ago 3971 posts - 7747 votes Speaks: English, French*, GermanC1, Spanish, Japanese, Esperanto Studies: Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Estonian
| Message 8 of 11 06 May 2013 at 5:34pm | IP Logged |
Let's not forget Sprachprofi's list as well.
Edited by Arekkusu on 06 May 2013 at 5:34pm
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