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Learning from a spouse | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| beano Diglot Senior Member United KingdomRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4622 days ago 1049 posts - 2152 votes  Speaks: English*, German Studies: Russian, Serbian, Hungarian | Message 1 of 22 22 November 2012 at 1:49pm | IP Logged | ||
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Many people on language forums say that having a partner who is a native speaker of your target language is a great asset. I wholeheartedly agree.
Yet in general expat circles, plenty folk say that they find it almost impossible to learn from their partner who is a "useless teacher" or "can't explain grammar". I assume in many cases, people think they ought to improve their language skills but deep down don't really have the appetite. Or maybe they expect everything to handed to them on a plate without doing any work themselves. Many international relationships will be established in one language from the outset and it can be hard to alter this balance. The language spoken in the country of residence also has an influence. But having a partner with a different native language opens lots of doors. When you meet their family and friends from back home, that is the opportunity to gain a toe-hold and engage. Realising that my wife's friends in Germany weren't all going to try and speak English together just for my benefit accelerated my learning no end, even though the two of us spoke almost exclusively English at home. Passive listening can also be carried out by simply listening to your partner making a phone call in his or her language. The opportunities are always there. People just have to make use of them. Edited by beano on 22 November 2012 at 1:51pm 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| Splog Diglot Senior Member Czech Republic anthonylauder.c Joined 5669 days ago 1062 posts - 3263 votes Speaks: English*, Czech Studies: Mandarin | Message 2 of 22 22 November 2012 at 2:26pm | IP Logged | ||
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It has been observed many times that the main language you use at the start of a relationship usually ends up becoming the main language used throughout the remainder of the relationship. It is very difficult to switch languages later on, particularly if one of the people is in effect a beginner.
I have been in three such relationships myself, where the initial language was English and many attempts to have my girlfriend at the time (one French, one Finnish, and one Czech) become my teacher failed miserably. So, I realised I had to take the pressure off them and learn by other means to at least B1 (basic conversational ability) - after which conversation becomes much less painful for the other person. I also found that agreeing to time boundaries helped (e.g. let's have "Finnish Fridays" and then English the rest of the week). Or, in my current case, we try to alternate days between languages. 5 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| fabriciocarraro Hexaglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Brazil russoparabrasileirosRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4715 days ago 989 posts - 1454 votes Speaks: Portuguese*, EnglishB2, Italian, Spanish, Russian, French Studies: Dutch, German, Japanese | Message 3 of 22 22 November 2012 at 4:16pm | IP Logged | ||
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Well, as I told here before, in my case it's not that useful. My wife is Russian, we met and started our relationship speaking Portuguese, and she doesn't like speaking Russian with me at all. She says my accent is too soft, that I look like a baby speaking and she has no patience to help me with that or even practice with me.
She helps me if I'm studying, translating words and things like that, but I cannot count on her to practice speaking. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
 emk Diglot Moderator United States Joined 5532 days ago 2615 posts - 8806 votes Speaks: English*, FrenchB2 Studies: Spanish, Ancient Egyptian Personal Language Map | Message 4 of 22 22 November 2012 at 4:39pm | IP Logged | ||
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My wife and I spoke English for 10 years before switching to French. I was probably a strong A2 when we made the switch, and it was really weird at first. Of course, these days, it's perfectly natural to speak French together.
Years before, I had tried to learn French from my wife. When I was just a beginner, we both found this frustrating and ineffective. I think that relatively few people know how to teach a language from scratch, and that it's much easier to practice with a partner once you can actually speak as well as the average three-year-old. Even now, speaking in French involves some tradeoffs. It's the weaker of our mutual languages, and if I want to explain something complicated at full conversational speed, I really need to be on my game—those skills aren't available to me 24x7. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| shk00design Triglot Senior Member Canada Joined 4444 days ago 747 posts - 1123 votes Speaks: Cantonese*, English, Mandarin Studies: French | Message 5 of 22 23 November 2012 at 8:05pm | IP Logged | ||
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Depends on the country you are living in and how necessary it is to learn each other's
language. If anybody have read the book "Battle Hymns of the Tiger Mother" by the Chinese-American author Amy Chua. The father is Jewish and the mother is Chinese. I don't think the mother is ever compelled to learn Hebrew herself or the father compelled to learn Chinese. On the other hand, they got the daughters into reciting the Torah in a synagogue in Hebrew and got a Chinese nanny to teach the daughters to speak Chinese. If the family happens to be living in China instead of the US it would be a different story. It is much easier to shop in the local markets speaking the native language. I know a couple (the father is German-speaking from Austria, the mother Dutch-speaking from Holland) living in Canada. The 2 sons picked up their French & German from school. The parents have always communicated in English at home. German & Dutch are very close but at the same time I don't think the couple feel a need to be fluent in each other's language. The wife can read a German newspaper and understand the context quite well. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| wv girl Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 5239 days ago 174 posts - 330 votes Speaks: English*, French Studies: Spanish | Message 6 of 22 24 November 2012 at 1:28pm | IP Logged | ||
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Just an aside ... in The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, the nanny taught the children Mandarin, which was different
from the dialect the tiger mother and her parents spoke. She chose to teach them a "prestige" language, not a heritage language, which I found rather strange. Thus, the little girls spoke a language that neither parent shared with them. I wondered, as a language nerd, how that language was maintained when there was no longer a need for the nanny ... 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| primosanchez Diglot Newbie United States Joined 6306 days ago 32 posts - 32 votes Speaks: English*, Spanish | Message 7 of 22 01 December 2012 at 4:10pm | IP Logged | ||
Good to hear a success story at least. Im attempting to do what you did with Portuguese. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| reineke Senior Member United States https://learnalangua Joined 6447 days ago 851 posts - 1008 votes Studies: German | Message 8 of 22 01 December 2012 at 5:37pm | IP Logged | ||
They likely ask questions about the language instead of simply trying to use the language. A terrible thing to do. Or their spouse speaks Mandarin and they're still struggling with German. 1 person has voted this message useful |
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