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Common Courtesy? | ||
Tags: Conversation | Native Speakers | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| Kartof Bilingual Triglot Senior Member United States Joined 5067 days ago 391 posts - 550 votes  Speaks: English*, Bulgarian*, Spanish Studies: Danish | Message 1 of 6 05 February 2012 at 8:30pm | IP Logged |
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Is it common courtesy that if someone shares bits and pieces of their language and you show interest that they
should show interest if you share parts of your own language? I know this question may seem self-centered but I would almost certainly ask people about the languages that they know/are learning if they asked me about the ones that I know/am learning. What do you think? 2 persons have voted this message useful | |
| Melisse Triglot Newbie Sweden Joined 4871 days ago 19 posts - 36 votes Speaks: English*, SwedishC1, French Studies: Dutch, Russian, Modern Hebrew | Message 2 of 6 05 February 2012 at 10:21pm | IP Logged |
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I don't think I would ask someone about the languages they speak/study just because they asked me about my languages, unless they gave me some indication that they wanted to talk about it or unless I were really interested.
If they said "oh, you study X, that's cool, I'm studying Y", then I would ask them how it's going. I don't think common courtesy has anything to do with it. If they are interested, they should ask. If they aren't then they shouldn't. If you really want to talk about your language study then bring it up yourself or drop a not-so-subtle hint, like dropping your Assimil book on their foot or something. :) 4 persons have voted this message useful | |
| jdmoncada Tetraglot Senior Member United States Joined 5035 days ago 470 posts - 741 votes Speaks: English*, German, Spanish, Finnish Studies: Russian, Japanese | Message 3 of 6 05 February 2012 at 10:42pm | IP Logged |
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I think you have to take each situation individually. Sure, some people might ask you what you're learning, but it could be for a basic yes or no answer. Those who do ask, even if they are curious for more, may not actually be studying themselves. They could just be curious about your personal motivations. There are also those of us who study and would love to talk about and in our languages at every opportunity.
That person and the first person are not the same, and you'd find yourself in poor social standing if you tried to make every situation as if it were the same. Also, the logic of "I would ask someone if someone asks me" seems strange to me. Somewhere along the social transaction someone has to go first, and it might have to be you, whether with questions or the volunteering of personal information. To wait seems like the recipe for a standstill. 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| Cavesa Triglot Senior Member Czech Republic Joined 5010 days ago 3277 posts - 6779 votes Speaks: Czech*, FrenchC2, EnglishC1 Studies: Spanish, German, Italian | Message 4 of 6 06 February 2012 at 3:14am | IP Logged |
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There are many situations where it is more appropriate to answer something like "And how
is your dancing going?" Not everyone asking about your languages does learn them. It depends on the sitution. There are moments where it is appropriate to let your excitement loose and bury them with the details about your hobby and there are moments when it is better to go on to a different topic. I find myself in the latter much more often. 2 persons have voted this message useful | |
| leosmith Senior Member United States Joined 6551 days ago 2365 posts - 3804 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Tagalog | Message 5 of 6 06 February 2012 at 4:36am | IP Logged |
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In relationships, I often take the initiative if I'm interested in the other person. If I ask several questions, and they
don't seem interested enough to ask questions back, or if I feel I'm getting the cold shoulder, I often leave it at that. I won't say I give up on that person at that point, but rather leave it up to them if they want to deepen the relationship. I find there are plenty of people who will show interest, so I don't spend too much time with those who don't. When I was younger, I was relentless, and more concerned about someone's looks. Now I'm more interested in feelings, and I don't push people who don't want to be pushed. Of course, this has nothing to do with language learning. But if you ask a person about their languages, and they don't ask you back, it could just mean that they are not interested, rather than not being courteous. 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| s0fist Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 5047 days ago 260 posts - 445 votes Speaks: Russian*, English Studies: Sign Language, German, Spanish, French | Message 6 of 6 06 February 2012 at 4:52am | IP Logged |
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IMHO It's courteous to do what you want.
If one is interested in the answer, then it's courteous to ask, rather than walk away uninformed. If one isn't interested in the answer, then it's courteous to not ask, rather than ask and waste everyone's time. And moreover, it's rarely wise to generalize or transfer interest or politeness feelings. If you say you would ask them out of politeness, why do you assume that such behavior is polite from their vantage point? 1 person has voted this message useful |
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