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When to say 谢谢 or not | ||
Tags: Polite/Informal Forms | Mandarin | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Specific Languages |  | |
| ChaChaDavid Newbie United Kingdom Joined 4961 days ago 11 posts - 7 votes | Message 1 of 10 12 July 2011 at 3:30am | IP Logged | ||
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"As a Westerner here I am told every day by my friends and colleagues that I say 谢谢 too much. I had never considered how much I do say it before I came here. When I was raised in Britain if I didn't say please and thank you all the time I used to get a thick ear
Has anyone else encountered this?" situtations: when the server gives you food, money etc. Don't you say anything? 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| YoshiYoshi Senior Member China Joined 5532 days ago 143 posts - 205 votes  Speaks: Mandarin* | Message 2 of 10 12 July 2011 at 4:43am | IP Logged | ||
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There's a Chinese proverb that says 「礼多人不怪」 （nobody will blame you for being very polite, civility is always welcome），personally I'd like to say 「谢谢」 when the waiter gives me food, drink, money etc. Unfortunately, polite expressions are getting somewhat unpopular among Chinese people, probably because they think it's unnecessary and old-fashioned to say that, but I don't think so at all.
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| Ari Heptaglot Senior Member Norway Joined 6583 days ago 2314 posts - 5695 votes Speaks: Swedish*, English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Mandarin, Cantonese Studies: Czech, Latin, German | Message 3 of 10 12 July 2011 at 6:18am | IP Logged | ||
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The cultural assumption behind it is that most mainland Chinese believe it unnecessary to thank someone for doing their job. So if you want to reduce your 谢谢s that's a simple rule to follow. Is the person you're about to thank required by their job to do what they did? In that case, no need to thank.
However, whilst some people might find it a bit strange that you thank so much, there's more harm in thanking to little. You can also switch it up a bit with some 谢了s and 多谢s or simply appreciative nods. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| jasoninchina Senior Member China Joined 5232 days ago 221 posts - 306 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Mandarin, Italian | Message 4 of 10 12 July 2011 at 7:57am | IP Logged | ||
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When my friends arrived for a six month stay, the first things they wanted to know how to say was "please" and "thank you." So yes, most westerners have this compulsion to be polite. This issue can also extend into many other areas as well. After living in China for so long, and spending such little time with foreigners, I have definitely picked up some of the habits. My friends were getting seriously upset because I often left a room without saying goodbye. But thats a little off topic. The best advice I can give is to follow the locals as best you can, without compromising your character. If you want to say thank you, then say thank you.
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| smallwhite Pentaglot Senior Member Australia Joined 5309 days ago 537 posts - 1045 votes Speaks: Cantonese*, English, Mandarin, French, Spanish | Message 5 of 10 12 July 2011 at 8:40am | IP Logged | ||
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There are other ways to show politeness and gratitude, maybe that's what we use in place of some of the 谢谢s. Eg. a smile, a praise, an expression of gratitute like "I'm lucky to have asked you" or "that helped a lot", something nice like "take care" or "have a nice evening".
Part of the logic is probably that, if it's waiters and shop assistants that you're dealing with, it'd be nice to show EITHER politeness OR friendliness. If you look cold but say 谢谢, that's fine. If you don't say 谢谢 but you appear very friendly, that's fine, too. (That's probably better, even). And then, I believe that in poorer countries where people struggle to survive, manners would be less of an issue than in rich, developped countries. And maybe the Westerner in question was not actually SAYING MORE 谢谢 than his Chinese friends. Maybe he was just pronouncing it too Assimil'ly and accompanying it with too much eye contact and smile, making the 谢谢 appear like a huge "Oh, my dear friend, thank you so much, you have saved my life by giving me this wine menu...." When often, a short, bland 谢谢 in a low voice would suffice. Oh, and one last thing. Traditionally, the Chinese don't reply a praise with a 谢谢. A: I like your new handbag! B: It's just cheap stuff. / It was a gift. / I bought it in XX. C: Your son is very clever! D: No, he's not. / No, your son is cleverer. / No, ... / No, .... Edited by smallwhite on 12 July 2011 at 8:43am 4 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| irrationale Tetraglot Senior Member China Joined 6051 days ago 669 posts - 1023 votes 2 sounds Speaks: English*, Spanish, Mandarin, Tagalog Studies: Ancient Greek, Japanese | Message 6 of 10 12 July 2011 at 10:44pm | IP Logged | ||
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I have also been chastised for this, mainly, as a poster outlined above, in situations
where people are doing their job and saying 谢谢 everytime they hand you the menu or take your order is just overkill. In my experience, as simple nod, smile, or 好 will suffice. Also, as the above poster mentions, never say 谢谢 in response to a compliment, always deny or deflect it. Personally, I kind of agree with this. Here in Seattle, people say "thank you" to the busdriver when getting off the bus. Is this really needed? This is somewhat off topic, but I think that Americans overuse "thank you" and it has been cheapened to a sort of greeting and farewell, or just interjection. 谢谢 doesn't seem to be the same as "thank you" and "道歉" is definitely not the same as "I'm sorry" in English, which has absolutely been cheapened. Edited by irrationale on 12 July 2011 at 10:44pm 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| chirish Newbie China Joined 4910 days ago 9 posts - 14 votes Speaks: Mandarin* Studies: English | Message 7 of 10 13 July 2011 at 5:12am | IP Logged | ||
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There are several cases you can say "谢谢" or not
The first is someone is doing their regular job without your asking for. For example, you go to a restaurant, and the waiter gives you the menu or a cup of tea. You go to ticket counter and the seller gives you the train/theatre ticket. In this case, to be polite, you can say "谢谢", but it may not be necessary. In most cases, speaking friendly is the most important, and a "谢谢" in the end does not mean anything. Your listener is doing regular work and always busy, and may not notice your "Thank you". The second case is you are asking for something. In this case, "谢谢" is usually needed in modern China, especially in the city, no matter the listener is doing his job or not. For example, in a restaurant, you ask the waiter for the menu or a cup of tea, and the waiter gives it to you, or you ask for a police or a stranger for the direction. The last case I mention is someone is praising you. Just saying "No" is too direct, and too much humility, which sometimes means you are not very honest, even pride. The Chinese do not have the tradition to say "谢谢" either. Nowadays people turn to be diplomatic in response. Suppose your son is in a junior school, and gets high score in the examination. A: Your son is very clever. / Your son is doing excellent in school. B: Not bad / Just above average, but (I think) he is doing much better/ really well in the past two years/semester. 你儿子很聪明/你儿子在学校成绩很好 还可以/还不错/中上水平，不过最近两年/一个 学期他确实有提高/成绩确实不错 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| seldnar Senior Member United States Joined 7133 days ago 189 posts - 287 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Mandarin, French, Greek | Message 8 of 10 13 July 2011 at 5:31am | IP Logged | ||
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Funny. I live in Seattle and was surprised to hear people thank the bus driver; my
first thought was that they only did that in Taiwan which is where I picked up the custom (thinking it very strange at the time) Off topic, its also where I picked up the habit of saying bye-bye. :-( People are right about the possibility of too much 謝謝ing. At restaurants, unless I've asked the waiter for some service above and beyond his regular job, I just save the thank you for the end, same as I do in the States. However, having lived in both Taiwan and Mainland China, I notice more xie xie-ing in Taiwan and actually missed hearing 不客氣 when I lived on the Mainland. Everyone there (northeast region) would just say 沒事. Same meaning, just different.
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