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Help from your native partner | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| WANNABEAFREAK Diglot Senior Member Hong Kong cantonese.hk Joined 6827 days ago 144 posts - 185 votes  1 sounds Speaks: English*, Cantonese Studies: French | Message 9 of 17 02 February 2010 at 1:46pm | IP Logged | |||||
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I didn't know anything about Chinese Cantonese before I met my wife. We started in English for 1 year and I decided to learn it.
There are a few stages and difficulties associated. 1) Its very difficult to switch when you've already established a common language. I was a bastard and made an ultimatum. 2) End up having non-stop arguments and frustrations when she would reply or ask me questions in English 3) She would get upset when I stubbornly forced her to say everything in Chinese, especially pissed her off when I couldn't understand or lacked vocabulary to even reply or talk properly. 4) Your partner uses a strict or restricted set of common vocab that not all people will say, hence you need to diversify and study in addition. Also he/she will get used to your accent and pronunciation and will eventually not bother correcting you. This will lead to people not understanding what you are saying. I'm happy I got away with it... I successfully converted a 100% English speaking relationship into a 100% Cantonese speaking relationship. Though not with nearly having major relationship dysfunctions. Basically don't treat your partner or even expect she/he is a teacher. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| raeve Diglot Groupie GermanyRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 6362 days ago 65 posts - 66 votes Speaks: EnglishB2, German* Studies: Swedish, Serbian, Spanish | Message 10 of 17 02 February 2010 at 1:56pm | IP Logged | |||||
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Thank you for all your opinions! They're all very helpful.
I agree that it feels weird to change the language of the relationship. Our common language is German, and I even find it weird when we speak English to each other (but which might also be because I have a sort-of American accent and my boyfriend has a sort-of British accent). I will however try to encourage him to speak more Serbian with me. He sometimes helps me by reading my Serbian book to me or by correcting the exercises, but usually we are both too caught up in our daily routines to devote much time to actively speaking Serbian to each other. (And there's still always the problem that I can't really form a sentence in the language)... 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| GauchoBoaCepa Triglot Senior Member Brazil Joined 5419 days ago 172 posts - 199 votes Speaks: Portuguese*, English, Spanish | Message 11 of 17 02 February 2010 at 2:12pm | IP Logged | |||||
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If your boyfriend really likes you, he'll serenade you in Serbian as well.
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| datsunking1 Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 5585 days ago 1014 posts - 1533 votes Speaks: English*, Spanish Studies: German, Russian, Dutch, French | Message 12 of 17 02 February 2010 at 3:02pm | IP Logged | |||||
Oh don't be sorry, it was meant to be funny. At least I got something positive out of that relationship :) Always look on the bright side! On another note... I don't even know what Serbian sounds like. Is it Slavic? 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Pyx Diglot Senior Member China Joined 5735 days ago 670 posts - 892 votes Speaks: German*, English Studies: Mandarin | Message 13 of 17 02 February 2010 at 3:37pm | IP Logged | |||||
I'm sorry, but as I see it, this is very bad advice. My native language is German, my gf's is Mandarin, our working language is English. We are both trying to learn each other's language. She's a beginner at German, I'm perhaps intermediate in Mandarin. So I know that situation from both sides. My gf (and, I hope, me too) is very helpful when I ask her some questions about vocab, or if I don't understand a sentence. We also have some of our everyday conversations in Mandarin. That works okay (and even that only because my Mandarin is okayish for that kind of things. It does not at all work in German). BUT (please notice the capital letters. They're there for a reason) 'teaching' each other has NEVER worked out and has ALWAYS ended in frustration. Teaching is the job of a teacher, or, better, yourself. Teaching is NOT a love service, but is something very annoying, that you shouldn't do with your loved ones if you value the relationship. I'm sure your bf will help you now and then to restructure a sentence or help you pronounce sth correctly, but don't expect him to be your teacher. Nor should you expect that he will have the patience to wait forever and ever until you've put together a bad sentence. And, I'm sorry but you need to hear this: Your expectations really seem to be quite off. Level 15 of your selflearn book? Come back after you've read your first simple book in Serbian, then you can start talking to him. Before that it would be at best baby talk, and really, do you want your bf to treat you like a baby? That being said, to learn the language, but learn it by yourself and enjoy your bf as your bf, not as a language learning utility. After you've gotten better you can integrate each other's languages without all that pain I've described above. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Iolanthe Diglot Senior Member Netherlands Joined 5641 days ago 410 posts - 482 votes Speaks: English*, DutchC1 Studies: Turkish, French | Message 14 of 17 02 February 2010 at 3:42pm | IP Logged | |||||
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My boyfriend doesn't really do much to help other than (attempting at) answering my grammar related questions and acting as a walking dictionary. I try to speak Dutch to him but he always says he prefers speaking English and I'm not a very pushy person so when I detect his frustration/preference for English I give in and switch back. His parents are much more willing to speak Dutch to me and thankfully I get a lot of practice in listening to my boyfriend and his mum interact. In my situation, considering I am around two people who speak Dutch to each other 24/7, I don't think I can blame anyone else but myself for my poor speaking skills so eventually I'll have to be brave and just speak. It's difficult because your partner is the person you go to to talk about emotions, make jokes with and discuss plans with and if you can't do those things fluently in a language you'll inevitably hold a preference for the other language.
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| hombre gordo Triglot Senior Member Japan Joined 5583 days ago 184 posts - 247 votes Speaks: English*, Spanish, Japanese Studies: Portuguese, Korean | Message 15 of 17 02 February 2010 at 4:11pm | IP Logged | |||||
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Wow! This thread is quite interesting!
I personally dont have a wife yet. I am a very marriage orientated person and would love to find a wife here in Japan. Right now I am not even trying to get a girlfriend though. Firstly I believe that I have the obligation of making myself a better person/ getting rid of my personal flaws before taking a lady as my wife. Since international marriage interests me and since it could very well become a reality, it delights me to read about international couples experiences. It seems a lot of couples are having quarels regarding the choice of language hey! I understand that some people may think of me as bad for saying this, but I have to wear the language trousers in the relationship! For me, my language studies are something which surpasses all other persuits, except for religious faith. One of the very reasons I have made a decision not to lead a life in the UK is for the very sake of language. I really dont want to be tied down with an English speaking family in an all English environment while at the same time being frustrated that I cannot advance my languages.　Having a relationship in English would just defeat to object of leaving my country in the first place. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| datsunking1 Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 5585 days ago 1014 posts - 1533 votes Speaks: English*, Spanish Studies: German, Russian, Dutch, French | Message 16 of 17 02 February 2010 at 6:00pm | IP Logged | |||||
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Pyx - I guess it's a matter of "testing the waters." My girlfriend was very helpful, and it was really cute when she taught me. The only reason I dumped her was because I caught her with another guy behind my back and her parents.
I guess it can be hit or miss, I couldn't be happier that I took the opportunity to learn portuguese, and for others it can be disasterous, maybe I was lucky :) Maybe you should ask him if he can teach you? It can't hurt :) -Jordan 1 person has voted this message useful |
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