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Breaking up in twelve languages | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| rmatthew Newbie United States Joined 5632 days ago 4 posts - 4 votes | Message 9 of 20 27 June 2009 at 4:41pm | IP Logged | |||||
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I appreciate your insight. What I had meant to write is that in comparison with my relationship and with the person I love, language study seems to or at least should hold less importance. At least that is what I would like to think- that I put loved ones before intellectual endeavours. I am not by any means undervaluing the importance of study in itself, as the passion that has for years directed my life, as a source of personal enrichment.
The music suggestion was nice. I do play music, and even though playing itself my be stationary, that too led me on extended trips when touring. I took up language to get away from that a little, but I still love to play. However, that hasn't been enough to keep me in one place. I would love to hear more about other experiences in balancing relationships and living abroad. Is it worth, to pursue a passion for language, giving up a home and a shared life? I vacillate between the two. matthew 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| GuardianJY Groupie United StatesRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5687 days ago 74 posts - 72 votes  Speaks: English* Studies: German, Italian, Swedish, French | Message 10 of 20 27 June 2009 at 4:48pm | IP Logged | |||||
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There is always the possibility of trying to motivate her to come with you. I can't tell you ways to do that, since only you know her well enough.
As for studying, you can certainly get a lot done from home. You can Skype with native speakers and others, hire a tutor perhaps, go to communities and festivals of that culture, etc. The U.S. is so vast that you may be able to "study abroad" without even leaving the states. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| LtM Triglot Senior Member United States Joined 5862 days ago 130 posts - 223 votes Speaks: English*, French, Spanish Studies: German | Message 11 of 20 27 June 2009 at 5:45pm | IP Logged | |||||
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If language study is truly your passion, then it is a part of who you are, and "you" is as important as any relationship that you may have.
I'm guessing that your girlfriend's work or studies is keeping her here, and sometimes that can't be changed. There is a huge amount of language study that you can accomplish here, if you choose to stay with her until she's able to move with you. You could also try to consider what you may, over time, resent/regret more: living abroad and losing this relationship (if that were to happen), or staying here and finding that you resent/regret your lost travel opportunity (which could end up poisoning your relationship). There's no easy answer, and the future is never what we imagine it will be, but it sometimes it helps to picture yourself without something important, and try to imagine how you'd deal with that. It is definitely true that the older one gets, the more difficult it is to live abroad in general, due to work and/or family obligations. Life has a way of sneaking up on you and making decisions for you that you don't realize are being made at the time. Edited by LtM on 27 June 2009 at 5:46pm 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Zeitgeist21 Senior Member United Kingdom Joined 5647 days ago 156 posts - 192 votes Speaks: English* Studies: German, French | Message 12 of 20 28 June 2009 at 12:27am | IP Logged | |||||
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Sorry the music suggestion didn't help but maybe something else creative like painting or something (I don't really know any detail about other things).
Also there a huge immigrant communties everywhere, and pockets of speakers in loads of places. I went around England to see relatives all over the place for 2 weeks and for 75% of those days I came across German speakers. Even in an out of the way Castle and in a Yorkshire pub which had only 3 tables! The family were bilingual with German and English with a strong Yorkshire accent xD And when I was lost in the Tube in London, I came across a pair of lost Germans that managed to find me! They got really excited when they heard German with an English accent (unsurprisingly a new experience for most Germans...) and showed me a map, how to use it, worked out where I was and where I was going, and then gave it to me! I'm not quite sure how they managed to become lost though.. This is perfect if the culture is what you need, as you can find it near where you live or at least in the nearest city if you don't live in one. You'll be surprised how many people you'll find. Many of them aren't particularly obvious if you don't know about them as they are often tend to be slightly cliquey and people hear foreign languages they don't understand every day so it doesn't stick out much. Anyway, good luck! EDIT: Added two sentences and corrected my English. For some reason when I type, what I hear in my head doesn't come out onto the keyboard; I miss words, spell things incorrectly even when I know the correct spelling and use generally atrocious English =S Edited by WillH on 28 June 2009 at 12:35am 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| icing_death Senior Member United States Joined 5863 days ago 296 posts - 302 votes Speaks: English* | Message 13 of 20 28 June 2009 at 3:46am | IP Logged | |||||
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I'm sort of the opposite of you. I've had no intentions of getting into a long term relationship, mostly because it
would interfere with my studies. But I do meet a lot of girls overseas, and my latest "girlfriend" was a bit of a language geek before I met her. After meeting me, her fire is really fueled, and she's getting even more interested in languages. Yikes, I might have to keep this one! 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Britomartis Groupie United States Joined 5811 days ago 67 posts - 74 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Spanish, Mandarin | Message 14 of 20 28 June 2009 at 8:22am | IP Logged | |||||
I think the key is to remember that it shouldn't be an either-or decision. A person whom you love and who loves you ought be supportive of your interests and passions. After all, those are a part of who a person is, and ideally, loving someone includes accepting him or her. A person should not have to change his or her identity because of a relationship. I think that to solve this problem, you need to look at your goals in life. What is it that you truly want to do and how do you want your future to look? Maybe you see that you want to live abroad, move around, teach in language schools, or who knows. If you get married, maybe you'll want a woman who shares or at least supports your interests and compliments them with her own strengths. I've heard of many great husband and wife teams. Or perhaps you see languages as not a life passion, but as an interest, and want to not move around, but live in a stable environment with an office job, etc. It's your life, your goals. Don't fit yourself into someone else's mold; you'll never be really happy.
Well, I can't really answer this well yet, but I had been involved in year and a half long relationship with a guy who lived overseas. Limiting oneself to webcam and phone calls can be frustrating, but it is do-able for periods of time (the longer, the harder). 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Cainntear Pentaglot Senior Member Scotland linguafrankly.blogsp Joined 6013 days ago 4399 posts - 7687 votes Speaks: Lowland Scots, English*, French, Spanish, Scottish Gaelic Studies: Catalan, Italian, German, Irish, Welsh | Message 15 of 20 28 June 2009 at 2:38pm | IP Logged | |||||
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RMatthew,
There's two bits of vitally important information you're keeping from us: your profession (including past professions) and your languages. Combining the two is always an option. The classic "settling down" options for a language freak are teaching and translating. Translating is easier to get into if you have a speciality, which would normally relate to native-language professional experience. I'm guessing the amount of travel you've done means you don't have an established profession. So that makes teaching more likely. You can either teach the languages you've learned or English, or both. The advantage of teaching English would be that it will introduce you to immigrants from many different language communities, and you can start socialising with them to help pick up their languages. Either way, the internet is now full of free TV in various languages, and the legal stuff is now quickly catching up with the illegal for accessibility -- you need never be trapped in a monolingual environment. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Sunja Diglot Senior Member Germany Joined 6087 days ago 2020 posts - 2295 votes 1 sounds Speaks: English*, German Studies: French, Mandarin | Message 16 of 20 28 June 2009 at 3:11pm | IP Logged | |||||
This is worth a second read. Good point. 1 person has voted this message useful |
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