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Selective muteness | ||
Tags: Speaking | Difficulty | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| Solfrid Cristin Heptaglot Winner TAC 2011 & 2012 Senior Member Norway Joined 5131 days ago 4143 posts - 8864 votes  Speaks: Norwegian*, Spanish, Swedish, French, English, German, Italian Studies: Russian | Message 17 of 21 28 February 2011 at 5:07pm | IP Logged | ||
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I have a colleague who is extremely bright, I mean really extremely bright, but who can "freeze up" to the brink of stopping to talk alltogether if he is in an uncomfortable situation. If he is in a situation where he is comfortable, he can lead a seminar, direct a choir or be the life of the party, but he once told me " a good day for me is a day where I do not have to talke to anyone".
The most extreme case was when he was interviewed for his current job. I knew that he would be absolutely perfect for the job, so I had coached him before the interview, plus I had spoken so highly of him to my boss that he was practically hired before he came. And then he comes to the interview - and frezees up - and stops talking. My boss was not impressed, to put it lightly, and I had to put all my weight behind his application to get him hired. I do not know if that qualifies as a selective mute,but it certainly is a major handicap. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| polyglHot Pentaglot Senior Member Norway Joined 4863 days ago 173 posts - 229 votes Speaks: Norwegian*, English, German, Spanish, Indonesian Studies: Russian | Message 18 of 21 28 February 2011 at 5:37pm | IP Logged | ||
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Definitely! I can freeze up, some people have called me a statue which I find offensive.
I become severely catatonic, can't talk, for instance if I am with my boyfriend and his friends, which means I'm only comfortable with my boyfriend, then I may sit quietly for several hours, wanting to leave but having no idea how to. Of course all I have to do is say "Excuse me, I'm going to a shop/home/bus" and put one foot in front of the other but... Difficult to explain how it feels. Specially it it's not in my own house, and if I'm not drunk of course, that's another story. However if I am with a best friend with great energy that I can feed off, I may start conversations with complete strangers. Less pressure in a way. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| mrwarper Diglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Spain forum_posts.asp?TID=Registered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5023 days ago 1493 posts - 2500 votes Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2 Studies: German, Russian, Japanese | Message 19 of 21 28 February 2011 at 6:45pm | IP Logged | ||
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Well, despite having been diagnosed "not a selective mute" by the OP, I still have this feeling. Obviously it's a psychological thing, and something I'll hopefully grow out of some day. Even if it's fortunately controlled for the most part, it's terribly undermining.
I only tend to freeze (or "turn blue and faint", like I like to describe it) in contexts where/when I don't have a clear role to play, which alas is what most would describe as your normal everyday social situation. Conducting seminars, giving a class, interviewing for a job or entering a building for the first time and make the janitors get a classroom ready is OK for me, and for the most part I get by 'socially' because I have no problems to reply when others talk to me. Even so, many people complain that they feel like they need a corkscrew to get things out of me, but that's a different thing, although probably related. But I really hate it when I just have to be there and everyone expects you to say something just for the sake of it, because you're supposed to strike up conversations when you're 'social'. Simply nothing will come out, which can feel terrible when they're looking at you expecting God knows what. Yesterday I had an uncomfortable time celebrating my best friend's birthday, because there were just maybe 5 friends out of 20 people who I'd really feel comfortable talking to (and I hadn't really something to say to 4 of them). I kept carrying food and stuff in and out the house for most of the evening, just to avoid sitting in a corner and have someone come over and talk because I wasn't doing it myself. 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| polyglHot Pentaglot Senior Member Norway Joined 4863 days ago 173 posts - 229 votes Speaks: Norwegian*, English, German, Spanish, Indonesian Studies: Russian | Message 20 of 21 28 February 2011 at 8:23pm | IP Logged | ||
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Yes, exactly. Having a role to play. It feels terrible.
1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| Bao Diglot Senior Member Germany tinyurl.com/pe4kqe5 Joined 5563 days ago 2256 posts - 4046 votes Speaks: German*, English Studies: French, Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin | Message 21 of 21 28 February 2011 at 10:41pm | IP Logged | ||
Having an assigned role, or having none? I personally fear having none much more than being stuck in a role that's not me. 1 person has voted this message useful |
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