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Would you find it disrespectful?

  Tags: Relationship
 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages Post Reply
61 messages over 8 pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next >>
Rykketid
Diglot
Groupie
Italy
Joined 4592 days ago

88 posts - 146 votes 
Speaks: Italian*, English
Studies: French

 
 Message 1 of 61
15 July 2012 at 5:55pm | IP Logged 
Imagine this scenario:

you are in a relationship with a person whose native language is not the same as yours.
You speak his/her language well and that's the language you use to communicate. Instead
your partner doesn't speak yours.

Moreover, he/she shows no signs whatsoever of interest towards your language and does
no efforts to learn a bit of it, even just the basic things.

How would you react and what would you do? Would you tell him/her openly that you want
him/her to study your language? And if he/she starts learning it but in a very
superficial and unethusiastic way, how would you feel?

(Not that I'm really in this situation, it's just out of curiosity)
2 persons have voted this message useful





Mae
Trilingual Octoglot
Pro Member
Germany
Joined 4750 days ago

299 posts - 499 votes 
Speaks: German*, SpanishC2*, Swiss-German*, FrenchC2, EnglishC2, ItalianB2, Dutch, Portuguese
Studies: Russian, Swedish
Personal Language Map

 
 Message 2 of 61
15 July 2012 at 6:00pm | IP Logged 
In such a case, I wouldn't be in a relationship with that person. Why do so, if he/she
doesn't show any interest in the language you speak, the culture you identify with, etc.?
3 persons have voted this message useful



tarvos
Super Polyglot
Winner TAC 2012
Senior Member
China
likeapolyglot.wordpr
Joined 4466 days ago

5310 posts - 9399 votes 
Speaks: Dutch*, English, Swedish, French, Russian, German, Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Afrikaans
Studies: Greek, Modern Hebrew, Spanish, Portuguese, Czech, Korean, Esperanto, Finnish

 
 Message 3 of 61
15 July 2012 at 6:02pm | IP Logged 
Been in that position, ended up learning French better than she learned Dutch (although
we spoke English), even learned a few words of Romanian and Hebrew. She did speak some
Dutch already but wasn't too interested in practicing.

We're no longer together so X)
1 person has voted this message useful



prz_
Tetraglot
Senior Member
Poland
last.fm/user/prz_rul
Joined 4618 days ago

890 posts - 1190 votes 
Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian
Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish

 
 Message 4 of 61
15 July 2012 at 6:04pm | IP Logged 
That's how the relationship between my Polish aunt and Italian uncle looks like. Shame for him. I can't imagine situation like that - it's like ignoring the part of a person.
2 persons have voted this message useful



hrhenry
Octoglot
Senior Member
United States
languagehopper.blogs
Joined 4889 days ago

1871 posts - 3642 votes 
Speaks: English*, SpanishC2, ItalianC2, Norwegian, Catalan, Galician, Turkish, Portuguese
Studies: Polish, Indonesian, Ojibwe

 
 Message 5 of 61
15 July 2012 at 6:56pm | IP Logged 
I suppose it depends on circumstances.

My ex-wife and I only spoke Spanish to each other. While we lived in Mexico, she had no
desire (or
need) to learn English. When we moved to the US, she began learning English and ended
up
learning it to a fairly high level, because she needed it to live independently outside
our house.

We still only spoke Spanish at home, though. Had we not moved to the US, she wouldn't
have learned English.

R.
==

Edited by hrhenry on 15 July 2012 at 6:57pm

2 persons have voted this message useful



Julie
Heptaglot
Senior Member
PolandRegistered users can see my Skype Name
Joined 6662 days ago

1251 posts - 1733 votes 
5 sounds
Speaks: Polish*, EnglishB2, GermanC2, SpanishB2, Dutch, Swedish, French

 
 Message 6 of 61
15 July 2012 at 7:21pm | IP Logged 
I guess I could not be in a relationship with such a person as my language and culture
are an important part of me. Furthermore, I would be afraid that my desire to raise the
child in my language (i.e. bilingually) would not be understood. No idea what I would do,
though, it would depend on how much I would be in love with this person...

I know a few couples like that but they usually make an effort to show at least some
interest and learn a few basic words and phrases.
2 persons have voted this message useful



Cavesa
Triglot
Senior Member
Czech Republic
Joined 4768 days ago

3277 posts - 6779 votes 
Speaks: Czech*, FrenchC2, EnglishC1
Studies: Spanish, German, Italian

 
 Message 7 of 61
15 July 2012 at 7:57pm | IP Logged 
In the beginnings or first few months, I wouldn't care. But if I was with the person for
longer and wanted to introduce him to my family (vast majority of which are monolingual),
I would expect him to learn. No need to be perfect, just to try and to show he cares so
much that he wants to understand my family. My friends usually speak more or less good
English, many of them one more language as well, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable
to take someone regularily among them if it meant whole company would have to speak non-
native language, including those who are less comfortable with it.
1 person has voted this message useful



patrickwilken
Senior Member
Germany
radiant-flux.net
Joined 4292 days ago

1546 posts - 3200 votes 
Studies: German

 
 Message 8 of 61
15 July 2012 at 8:04pm | IP Logged 
I just asked my wife, who I am happily married to, and to whom I can only speak rudimentary German to, and she says she doesn't feel disrespected.

I think the point is that anything less than fluency really doesn't make much difference in a relationship. She doesn't care if I don't know how to order coffee, or say thank you, or give basic directions etc (I can do all these things, but it's irrelevant to our level of communication).

I am learning German, for various reasons, and in part to learn her culture better, but I (and she) doubts that we'll be able to communicate our feelings/thoughts/etc better if I speak fluent German. Her English is at an almost native level and it's hard to imagine we'll be able to say anything more to each other no matter how good I speak German.



Edited by patrickwilken on 15 July 2012 at 8:07pm



4 persons have voted this message useful



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