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Would you find it disrespectful?

  Tags: Relationship
 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages Post Reply
61 messages over 8 pages: 1 2 3 4 57 8 Next >>
prz_
Tetraglot
Senior Member
Poland
last.fm/user/prz_rul
Joined 4734 days ago

890 posts - 1190 votes 
Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian
Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish

 
 Message 41 of 61
16 July 2012 at 10:13pm | IP Logged 
Majka wrote:
Going in a relationship with expectations the partner didn't hear is a recipe for disaster, in my opinion.

In my opinion, it should be natural for a partner. If you can't take such effort, you won't take others.
1 person has voted this message useful



frenkeld
Diglot
Senior Member
United States
Joined 6818 days ago

2042 posts - 2719 votes 
Speaks: Russian*, English
Studies: German

 
 Message 42 of 61
16 July 2012 at 10:56pm | IP Logged 
prz_ wrote:
Sorry, but the situations like with my aunt, who knows Italian almost perfectly, completely opposite to my uncle, who can't even learn simple Polish phrases after 15 years of their marriage is a shame for humanity.


Where do they live?

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prz_
Tetraglot
Senior Member
Poland
last.fm/user/prz_rul
Joined 4734 days ago

890 posts - 1190 votes 
Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian
Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish

 
 Message 43 of 61
16 July 2012 at 11:31pm | IP Logged 
In Italy. But it means nothing. Oh, except this, that he's a lazy [find a nice vulgarism].
Besides, from my experience too often such ignorance translate into other fields of life.
But maybe they are only my observations of examples of people being close to me.
1 person has voted this message useful





emk
Diglot
Moderator
United States
Joined 5407 days ago

2615 posts - 8806 votes 
Speaks: English*, FrenchB2
Studies: Spanish, Ancient Egyptian
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 Message 44 of 61
17 July 2012 at 12:31am | IP Logged 
The other big question here is kids. If you want the children to be able to communicate
with both families, that means you'll need to use both parent's languages in the home.

This is a lot easier if both parents understand both languages. When parent A
talks to the kids, parent B will be able to understand the conversation.

And you don't even need high-level listening skills if you start when the kids are young:
You'll get tons of concrete, repetitive, slowly-spoken input. So even 6 months of Assimil
would be enough for a big payoff.

3 persons have voted this message useful



prz_
Tetraglot
Senior Member
Poland
last.fm/user/prz_rul
Joined 4734 days ago

890 posts - 1190 votes 
Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian
Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish

 
 Message 45 of 61
17 July 2012 at 12:35am | IP Logged 
emk wrote:
The other big question here is kids. If you want the children to be able to communicate
with both families, that means you'll need to use both parent's languages in the home.

EXACTLY.
Plus such lingustic egoism can also cause an important loss in children's identity.

Edited by prz_ on 17 July 2012 at 12:41am

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druckfehler
Triglot
Senior Member
Germany
Joined 4743 days ago

1181 posts - 1912 votes 
Speaks: German*, EnglishC2, Korean
Studies: Persian

 
 Message 46 of 61
17 July 2012 at 4:55am | IP Logged 
Bao wrote:
And I actually do not define my identity using German-ness, if all, I define it by using anti-German-ness.

Which is one of your inherently German attributes :)

Bao wrote:
Still, when balancing between two cultures people easily end up just shutting out parts of their life experience because there's nobody in their current environment who shares that kind of experience.

That's an interesting thought. You have a point there. But I guess things do not have to be so black and white, every partner can find friends outside of the relationship who speak their language and share their cultural background.

prz_ wrote:
For me it's an enormous shame, pure egoism and treating unfair his/her partner.

In the case that was the example here, I disagree. I assume that this girl came to Germany expressly for the purpose of learning German - it's not like she's learning German only for her boyfriend (while he would learn Korean mainly for her). I would actually assume she's happy to get the extra language practice. I know many Koreans who are eager to learn German and much less Germans who are eager to learn Korean. While that's regrettable, it's not unfair. It's really the loss of those people who aren't interested in Korea and the Korean language...

prz_ wrote:
In Italy. But it means nothing. Oh, except this, that he's a lazy [find a nice vulgarism]. Besides, from my experience too often such ignorance translate into other fields of life. But maybe they are only my observations of examples of people being close to me.

I don't know your uncle, so he may well be a lazy something. But of course it would be harder to learn Polish in Italy than to learn Italian in Italy.
I'll give an example from my family: One of my cousins married a girl from Thailand. They communicate in Mandarin, because they met in China. Now that they live in Germany she's studying German, but as far as I know he isn't studying Thai. I don't think he's lazy and ignorant. I guess he wouldn't mind of his wife didn't speak German, but because she lives here now it would be impractical not to.
Another one: my aunt is a Polish Jew who spent her youth in Israel and most of her life in the US. Her parents speak Polish with her. Which language should my uncle actually study? Does this mean he'd have had to learn three languages to marry his wife? (He speaks English, so 2 additional languages.)

I'm not saying people shouldn't study languages. I would also probably want to learn my partner's native language, if it isn't one I know. I just think it's a bad idea to make it a requirement, because it may simply not be feasible for one reason or other.

Edited by druckfehler on 17 July 2012 at 5:03am

2 persons have voted this message useful



frenkeld
Diglot
Senior Member
United States
Joined 6818 days ago

2042 posts - 2719 votes 
Speaks: Russian*, English
Studies: German

 
 Message 47 of 61
17 July 2012 at 6:24am | IP Logged 
druckfehler wrote:
In the case that was the example here, I disagree. I assume that this girl came to Germany expressly for the purpose of learning German - it's not like she's learning German only for her boyfriend (while he would learn Korean mainly for her


I thought the person who told the story was from Ireland. Was she posting from Germany?

Either way, the two can happily figure it out for themselves secure in the knowledge that there are no universal truths about language use in mixed marriages.


Edited by frenkeld on 17 July 2012 at 6:28am

1 person has voted this message useful



Wulfgar
Senior Member
United States
Joined 4546 days ago

404 posts - 791 votes 
Speaks: English*

 
 Message 48 of 61
17 July 2012 at 8:14am | IP Logged 
Solfrid Cristin wrote:
She had no idea what his native language was or which religion he had, and their cultural
levels were light years apart. He was a very educated man, and she was practically an idiot.

Nice. Sounds like she married up.

prz_ wrote:
In my opinion people in international marriages, after 10 years, should pass A2 exam of knowledge
of their partners' native languages

Agreed. And if they fail, public execution.

Rykketid wrote:
How would you react and what would you do?

Am I the only one here who thinks a relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage? I've had many relationships like
this. There are many solutions. For example, more boning, less talking.


4 persons have voted this message useful



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