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Would you find it disrespectful? | ||
Tags: Relationship | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages |  | |
| atama warui Triglot Senior Member Japan Joined 4711 days ago 594 posts - 985 votes  Speaks: German*, English, Japanese | Message 25 of 61 16 July 2012 at 2:24am | IP Logged | |||||
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I was actually a bit taken aback by the fact that language learners, supposedly very open minded and cosmopolitan (at least in my little nutshell of a world), would even _think_ about such a topic.
What's language in a relationship? I don't need a single word to transport my feelings when I'm with my girlfriend... and the least thing I'd expect would be her learning my language. I've already learned hers, there, communication established. My girlfriend won't marry Germany, German culture or the German language, she'll marry ME. 5 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| druckfehler Triglot Senior Member Germany Joined 4878 days ago 1181 posts - 1912 votes Speaks: German*, EnglishC2, Korean Studies: Persian | Message 26 of 61 16 July 2012 at 4:13am | IP Logged | |||||
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Are you going to study maths if you fall in love with a mathematician? Are you going to study music theory if you fall in love with a composer? You could argue that it's an important part of their identity - so if you don't learn to understand that part of your partner you should just forget about the relationship. What if you have no talent for maths, you ask? Too bad, I guess you weren't meant to be.
I'm equally at home in German and English and hope to be able to say the same about Korean and a host of other languages at some point, so... I'll have to find a partner who not only speaks German, but also English - less than advanced fluency in either need not apply. At least intermediate knowledge of Korean required. Willingness to learn further languages - specifics are up for negotiation. Any takers? Looking for this guy outside of HTLAL will be futile :D 5 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| druckfehler Triglot Senior Member Germany Joined 4878 days ago 1181 posts - 1912 votes Speaks: German*, EnglishC2, Korean Studies: Persian | Message 27 of 61 16 July 2012 at 4:45am | IP Logged | |||||
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I didn't want to mix the crazy and the serious, so I hope the double post is okay.
If you feel that your partner isn't interested in an important part of your identity, that's surely a problem. It's all a matter of interpretation. It could well be that your partner doesn't want to learn Italian, but appreciates your mad pizza-baking skills and your laid-back, gregarious spirit (yay, stereotypes... but I'm actually thinking about a couple I know). If you feel like your national culture is a huge part of your identity then I think it's important that your partner likes at least some of your culture-specific traits. I think language does and should take a backseat to that.
If I actually did want them to learn it, yes. If you don't talk about it, how is your partner supposed to know? Maybe they never thought about it, but would acutally be open to learning the language. If not, you can talk about WHY it's actually important to you and see if the problem doesn't really lie somewhere else, for example feeling like the partner doesn't really know you or isn't really interested in your life. If you need this as a proof of the person's love then I guess there are more important areas of the relationship to work on...
I'd wonder why they agreed to it in the first place. I don't think anyone should learn a language out of obligation. Maybe they were enthusiastic about it, but soon noticed that it just wasn't for them and that would be okay. The person may even want to be able to speak it, but isn't happy with studying it. Language learning isn't for everyone and not every language is the same. I've given up on languages before, how could I blame someone for doing the same? For a totally different perspective on this topic: I even know couples where one partner doesn't want the other to learn his native language, because he thinks it's useless. 3 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| Bao Diglot Senior Member Germany tinyurl.com/pe4kqe5 Joined 5776 days ago 2256 posts - 4046 votes Speaks: German*, English Studies: French, Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin | Message 28 of 61 16 July 2012 at 5:04am | IP Logged | |||||
And that's it. I will marry an individual, probably a guy, but I will also want to become part of his family and friends with his friends. I want to communicate with them. I want my lover to communicate with my family and friends. And to be included, you do have to show some effort. Somebody who doesn't care at all about these things is obviously not the kind of person who would be happy spending the rest of his life with someone like me. ETA: And I actually do not define my identity using German-ness, if all, I define it by using anti-German-ness. Still, when balancing between two cultures people easily end up just shutting out parts of their life experience because there's nobody in their current environment who shares that kind of experience. Edited by Bao on 16 July 2012 at 5:11am 4 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| prz_ Tetraglot Senior Member Poland last.fm/user/prz_rul Joined 4869 days ago 890 posts - 1190 votes Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish | Message 29 of 61 16 July 2012 at 4:40pm | IP Logged | |||||
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Bao, in my opinion - AMAZING post.
1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Laurae Diglot Groupie Germany Joined 5048 days ago 51 posts - 67 votes Speaks: English*, German Studies: French, Dutch | Message 30 of 61 16 July 2012 at 5:35pm | IP Logged | |||||
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I recently met a Korean lady in my German class (taught with the assistance of English) whose boyfriend is German. While she is keen to learn German, he has found his experience of learning Korean very time consuming and challenging, and simply doesn't have time to pursue it seriously.
3 persons have voted this message useful | ||||||
| pesahson Diglot Senior Member Poland Joined 5738 days ago 448 posts - 840 votes Speaks: Polish*, English Studies: French, Portuguese, Norwegian | Message 31 of 61 16 July 2012 at 8:06pm | IP Logged | |||||
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It wouldn't bother ma at all. I really don't find anything disrespectful about it. I
imagine my partner would be exposed to some features of Polish culture because it is part of me, it would be unavoidable, but I wouldn't expect him to learn the language. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| prz_ Tetraglot Senior Member Poland last.fm/user/prz_rul Joined 4869 days ago 890 posts - 1190 votes Speaks: Polish*, English, Bulgarian, Croatian Studies: Slovenian, Macedonian, Persian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian, Armenian, Kurdish | Message 32 of 61 16 July 2012 at 8:37pm | IP Logged | |||||
Yeah, and for her it's not time consuming and challenging, absolutely not... 3 persons have voted this message useful |
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