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Would you find it disrespectful? | ||
Tags: Relationship | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages |  | |
| Joudandou Diglot Newbie Australia Coming SoonRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4448 days ago 1 posts - 1 votes Speaks: English*, Japanese Studies: French | Message 57 of 61 02 October 2012 at 4:39pm | IP Logged |
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It really depends. Since I'm learning Japanese, I'll speak about that scenario, although the same situation could
apply to French (very infant stages). Considering my current level of Japanese, I would prefer most communication with a potential partner from Japan to be in Japanese. I wouldn't take at as an insult if they didn't know my language: in fact, I would take it as them treating me normally, no different from any other Japanese man. Of course, I wouldn't mind if they had an interest in English or could speak it, but I don't want to be treated as only able to speak English and wanted to be treated just like a member of Japanese society, no handicaps...if that makes sense? 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| bela_lugosi Hexaglot Senior Member Finland Joined 6463 days ago 272 posts - 376 votes  Speaks: English, Finnish*, Italian, Spanish, German, Swedish Studies: Russian, Estonian, Sámi, Latin | Message 58 of 61 30 October 2012 at 2:12am | IP Logged |
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My Italian ex-girlfriend tried to learn my native language but made no significant progress during the nearly 5 years that we were in a relationship. I think the main reason for that was my ability to speak Italian which made her a bit lazy. :p The second most important factor was that she expected ME to TEACH her how to speak Finnish (which, as you probably know, is not the best method if you want to learn a foreign language)...
Although she never really learned the language, I'm happy that she was willing to at least give it a try. To me it was a sign of respect. 2 persons have voted this message useful | |
| shk00design Triglot Senior Member Canada Joined 4453 days ago 747 posts - 1123 votes Speaks: Cantonese*, English, Mandarin Studies: French | Message 59 of 61 04 November 2013 at 6:17am | IP Logged |
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In N. America we are used to being in a multi-cultural melting pot with English being the dominant language.
Unlike in Europe people are much more aware of their ethnic identity in this part of the world being able to communicate in English is sufficient. I've come across a few people who are ethnically Chinese. We all get together as an extended family for Chinese meals. The older generation would be speaking in Cantonese and the younger crowd would reply back in English. There was no shame attach to it. There are several in the younger generation who are fluent in both but again speaking in either language isn't much of an issue. And then there are people who are Chinese married to others of different ethnicity. Again the kids would be speaking in English at the dinner table and didn't seem to bother anybody. There was a couple where the man is Chinese and the lady is White. She actually took half a year of Cantonese classes. Although unable to carry on a conversation the wife knows all the Chinese food items at the dinner table. Everybody is very accommodating speaking to her in English. And in there is the case of someone who speaks Cantonese as a mother-tongue and another who speak Mandarin. At the dinner table they would be communicating in English. Not an issue. If someone in the group is not fluent in Mandarin at a dinner gathering where everybody speaks Mandarin instead of English, he would keep quiet during the whole dinner. Didn't seem to bother the rest of the crowd. 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| Via Diva Diglot Senior Member Russian Federation last.fm/user/viadivaRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4243 days ago 1109 posts - 1427 votes Speaks: Russian*, English Studies: German, Italian, French, Swedish, Esperanto, Czech, Greek | Message 60 of 61 04 November 2013 at 12:34pm | IP Logged |
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First of all: I've no experience, so everything following is just a thinking and theory-making.
It depends on languages and the country where two are going to live. That's obvious. I'm a native Russian speaker and my family is basically monolingual. I don't think that I'll go hard and escape my family once so I need them to know the man who interest me. The easiest way would be in case of English (or, maybe, German - if my father and his parents still remember some school German they've taken). I know the language enough to be an interpreter in conversational situations (hopefully). But I wouldn't be truly objective, I think. Plus, my family wouldn't be able to ask him to answer honestly what he think about me without me being around. It seems not so important, but I doubt it. Any language but English and German would make everything even harder. He probably could struggle to think in Eng, so am I, tension and whatever can make our English bridge weak. My family could simply not stand on it. Well, I don't think that misunderstanding from their side would stop me, but it's possible. It's really hard from my side to demand him to learn Russian. I myself are skeptical about learning Russian on demand anyway. I think I would stand that he will not learn with too serious aims. But if he'll behave like my Russian does not exist, if he would protest about teaching our kids Russian... it would be truly offensive for me. On the other hand, I need to learn his language. At this point of life and experience (which is zero, just to remind) I think that I'll learn a language if that'll be important for him. In the worst case (of Mandarin, for example) I'll ask to teach me the basics anyway. If I am to find that when speaking his native language the relationship is really improving, I would go hard and try to do everything possible. Honestly, I think that love should motivate one enough for something like this. I'm sure that there are some things that are truly impossible to say in any language but native. Keeping in mind that I'm a native speaker of relatively hard Russian, I think that I should be the one who'll learn another's language. But this doesn't mean that Russian shall be completely neglected by him. And last but not the least - pretty much everything written above does not imply in the cases of Ukrainian, Belorussian and, maybe, any other Slavic language. I really can't imagine how things would go in this situation for I could be hard one to teach and so could he. That'll be a matter of luck and conditions. To be honest, I don't know why I even decided to write here, I'm so shy and closed that me dating some Russian guy would be quite an improvement, what to say about a foreigner?! That seems just impossible right now, hehe... Edited by Via Diva on 04 November 2013 at 12:38pm 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| Stelle Bilingual Triglot Senior Member Canada tobefluent.com Joined 4153 days ago 949 posts - 1686 votes Speaks: French*, English*, Spanish Studies: Tagalog | Message 61 of 61 04 November 2013 at 2:05pm | IP Logged |
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It all depends on the relationship. My husband and I have different native languages. Someday I'll learn Tagalog,
and maybe someday he'll learn French (although I kind of doubt it), but neither of us are terribly concerned about the fact that we live our lives together in English. We've been together for almost 15 years, so it obviously works for us. I can't imagine trying to force a language on anyone. Learning a language is a huge amount of work. For people who love learning languages, it's fun…but for people who aren't interested, I think that it would add a lot of unnecessary tension to the relationship. I can't imagine language being a "deal-breaker" in a relationship, especially if you live together in a place with a dominant language that you both speak. That said, there's a difference between not wanting to learn a language and showing disrespect for a person's culture, family and background. That *would* be a deal-breaker - but it has nothing to do with language, in my opinion. 5 persons have voted this message useful |
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