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Mission CPE

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24 messages over 3 pages: 1 2
Luso
Hexaglot
Senior Member
Portugal
Joined 6063 days ago

819 posts - 1812 votes 
Speaks: Portuguese*, French, EnglishC2, GermanB1, Italian, Spanish
Studies: Sanskrit, Arabic (classical)

 
 Message 17 of 24
30 July 2014 at 12:47am | IP Logged 
In 1996, I wanted to certify my knowledge of English. I took a test and got placed in the last level of the local British Council. I don't know its former name, but now it would be a C2.

In my first essay I got a 13 (out of 20). I thought it was a bad score, but most of my classmates got grades between 6 and 9! I improved my skills and a couple of months later I was getting 16-17.

Near the date of the exam, the teacher talked to each one of us. To me, he said: "You have a very good level of English. I can't claim the responsibility for it, as you only joined us three months ago. Anyway, I think you may get a B, or even an A. Keep in mind that these grades don't get awarded often."

I acknowledged his honesty and took the hint: I had to stay focused and keep my wits about me to get a good score.

In the end, I got a grade level "A" (in all categories).


So much for my credentials. Now for the matter at hand: having gone through many standard international tests along the years, I know that they tend to get stingy as the grades get higher. I'm also surprised about the praise your texts received in this thread. They are good, but you are aiming for a CPE "A", aren't you? And since you asked us to be ruthless... ;)

So, here goes: you should broaden your vocabulary and avoid repetition (at this level, style does matter... if you want to stand out, that is). You'll probably tackle this while reviewing your text, but it's always good to remember that.

In my humble opinion, your small problems are (some already pointed out by forum mates):

"the younger generation does not regard"
"essential for both psychological" => clarity
"and traditions. The latter have developed" => avoid repetition
"deserve our respect, while others" => one word too much
"would forever be corrupted" => better (more literary)
"The same thing happened" => if you want an "A", review your text (typos count)
"make our society harmonious." => same here
"Should the young blindly follow tradition?" => better (more literary)
"the need of the hour is individuality. It sparks" => avoid repetition
"It is up to the young" => typos, typos...
"development, it is not a good thing" => repetition / meaning
"as well as for balance" => one comma too much

"Brothers Grimm" => typo
"are a pleasure to read" => another one
"for an Indian child." => period, not comma
"in turn, they suckle" => avoid repetition
"cultures, they are our heritage" => meaning / style
"for those in the West" => less obscure
"to whom such a book" => better

Please forgive me if you think I've gone too far (and for possible errors on my part), but better this than to be complacent.

Good luck to you on your endeavours.
2 persons have voted this message useful



napoleon
Tetraglot
Senior Member
India
Joined 5018 days ago

543 posts - 874 votes 
Speaks: Bengali*, English, Hindi, Urdu
Studies: French, Arabic (Written)

 
 Message 18 of 24
30 July 2014 at 10:34am | IP Logged 
Thank you for taking the time to respond. Thank you also for the proverbial kick in the posterior which has jarred me out of complacency. :)

I did not start this log to show off my English skills and I certainly did not post my essay as an exercise in vanity. I really wanted feedback and I thank Jeffers, Gemeuse, yourself and the others for providing it.
Thank you for being so generous with your time.

I am very grateful for your critique. However, not to put too fine a point on it, there are a couple of sentences that merit a clarification. So, here goes:

Luso wrote:
"the younger generation does not regard"


napoleon wrote:
...the younger generation does not regard...


CPE Practice-Test wrote:

...
However, the younger generation do not regard electronic communication as intrusive, but rather as fundamental to their way of life.
...

I'd probably have used "does" but they used"do" in the question and that's what I followed while writing my answer.

Luso wrote:
"essential for both psychological" => clarity

napoleon wrote:
Individuality is essential for psychological well-being, as well as, for balance in one's personal and prfessional life...

I used "as well as" as a connector. I could not possibly use "both" and "as well as" at the same time, could I?
I also wrote "prfessional". Another typo.

Luso wrote:
"and traditions. The latter have developed" => avoid repetition

napoleon wrote:
Society expects us to follow certain norms and traditions. These traditions have developed over the years.

I must confess to this charge. I was doing this consciously. Why?
I was using repetition, perhaps misguidedly, as a way of linking my ideas.
Make Your Words Work by Gary Provost wrote:

...
[Transitions] all make a connection between what a reader has just read and what he is about to read, by implying the relationship between those bodies of information.
...

I now realise I was overdoing it.
Thanks.

Luso wrote:
"deserve our respect, while others" => one word too much

Quote:
Some of them deserve our respect, while the others have outgrown their usefulness...

Using the definite article here makes a world of difference.
Saying "...while others..." means that we are discussing a few other traditions.
On the other hand, saying "...while the others..." means that we are talking about all the traditions that do not "deserve our respect". We are pointing them out.

Luso wrote:
"would forever be corrupted" => better (more literary)

napoleon wrote:
...would be forever corrupted...

Agreed.

Luso wrote:
"The same thing happened" => if you want an "A", review your text (typos count)

napoleon wrote:
The same thing happend

Agreed.

Luso wrote:
"make our society harmonious." => same here

Quote:
...make our society harmonius...

Agreed.

Luso wrote:
"Should the young blindly follow tradition?" => better (more literary)

Quote:
Should the young follow tradition blindly?

According to Swan's "Practical English Usage" adverbs of manner usually go in end-position. However, they may go in "mid-position" if the adverb is not the main focus of the message.
Here is an example he gives for an adverb in mid-position:
She angrily tore up the letter.
The adverb here reinforces the main message of the sentence and the basic meaning would not change if it were removed. But, in the sentence I wrote, "blindly" is very much the focus of the sentence.

Luso wrote:
"the need of the hour is individuality. It sparks" => avoid repetition

napoleon wrote:
...the need of the hour is individuality. Individuality sparks...

I've already addressed the matter of repetition.

Luso wrote:
"It is up to the young" => typos, typos...

napoleon wrote:
It is upto the young...

Agreed.

Luso wrote:
"development, it is not a good thing" => repetition / meaning

Already addressed.

Luso wrote:
"as well as for balance" => one comma too much

napoleon wrote:
as well as, for balance

Agreed.

Luso wrote:
"Brothers Grimm" => typo

napoleon wrote:
Brothers Grim

Agreed.

"are a pleasure to read" => another one
napoleon wrote:
...pleaure to read...

Agreed. Woe is me. :)

Luso wrote:
"for an Indian child." => period, not comma

napoleon wrote:
"for an Indian child,"

Agreed. Another typo.

Luso wrote:
"in turn, they suckle" => avoid repetition

napoleon wrote:
These stories have been suckled by the Land of India and come from a variety of traditions and, in turn, these stories suckle...

Agreed. Although, the reason I did not use "they" is because I was dealing with two ideas in this sentence and I wanted to be clear about what I was referring to.

Luso wrote:
"cultures, they are our heritage" => meaning / style

napoleon wrote:
...these stories are our heritage.

Agreed.

Luso wrote:
"for those in the West" => less obscure

napoleon wrote:
...for those in the Occident

I don't think I made a mistake here.

Luso wrote:
"to whom such a book" => better

napoleon wrote:
...for whom such a book...

Again, I don't think I made a mistake here.

A word about typos:
I was surprised to find so many typos in my original essay. It is not that I did not recognise them. I did. But by that time I had already submitted the test and there was no going back.
I should add that I was typing as fast as I could because I did not believe that I could complete the assignment in time. And when I finished early, I was so happy that I forgot to check my text for typos.
Another thing I'll have to remember.

Thanks again, and keep the feedback flowing! :)

Edited by napoleon on 30 July 2014 at 11:59am

1 person has voted this message useful



Luso
Hexaglot
Senior Member
Portugal
Joined 6063 days ago

819 posts - 1812 votes 
Speaks: Portuguese*, French, EnglishC2, GermanB1, Italian, Spanish
Studies: Sanskrit, Arabic (classical)

 
 Message 19 of 24
30 July 2014 at 1:52pm | IP Logged 
I told you I might have gone too far at times. :)

In the end, it's all a game: avoid common mistakes all you'll be accorded the benefit of the doubt.

Don't forget that your essay will be reviewed by a human being. I've had experience with a few - not that many - in the past and they tend to behave in a predictable fashion.

Jokes aside, the teacher reviewing your essay(s) will give you points for fluency, clarity, etc. You shouldn't refrain from using idiomatic expressions (it shows ease and depth) and literary ones (you don't need to use "once more unto the breach", but if it's relevant... why not?). One or two of the latter will definitely show the depth of your reading. You just have to be careful not to use them out of place.

Try not to be dry. Do this while reviewing your essay(s) (it will be difficult while writing the draft). Above, I could have written "behave predictably" but I went for "behave in a predictable fashion".


2 persons have voted this message useful



napoleon
Tetraglot
Senior Member
India
Joined 5018 days ago

543 posts - 874 votes 
Speaks: Bengali*, English, Hindi, Urdu
Studies: French, Arabic (Written)

 
 Message 20 of 24
30 July 2014 at 4:49pm | IP Logged 
Luso wrote:

...
Don't forget that your essay will be reviewed by a human being. I've had experience with a few - not that many - in the past and they tend to behave in a predictable fashion.
...


Sorry for troubling you again, but I couldn't help myself. :)
Do you mind expanding on your comment.
Other than the points you've already mentioned, like sprinkling a bit of idiomatic and literary expressions in my writing, what are the things that I need to keep in mind.

And more importantly, what are the things that make examiners predictable.

Thanks. :)
1 person has voted this message useful



Luso
Hexaglot
Senior Member
Portugal
Joined 6063 days ago

819 posts - 1812 votes 
Speaks: Portuguese*, French, EnglishC2, GermanB1, Italian, Spanish
Studies: Sanskrit, Arabic (classical)

 
 Message 21 of 24
30 July 2014 at 6:41pm | IP Logged 
Oh, that was just an introductory joke.

All in all, just keep in mind that your writing will be reviewed by an English language teacher from Britain.

Every little bit of proper grammar will be appreciated. Slang will not, unless you are quoting someone.

One or two beloved literary expressions will also be appreciated, if still deemed acceptable (refrain from using Kipling, if you know what I mean...).

Every language has features that denote fluency. For instance, in German I like to use Doppelkonjunktionen (entweder...oder, sowohl...als auch, etc.), since they make an essay more... er... Germanlike.

If I recall English grammar, phrasal verbs are one of its most difficult features. The same goes for word order and prepositions, I believe. Try to use a few of each (properly, of course) to show command of the language. Don't leave the examiner wondering.

Oh, and don't confuse there, their and they're. Nor it's and its. That would be a shot in the foot, but I guess you're beyond that.


EDIT: HTLAL doesn't let me write "germanlike" without capital "G" (much as I wanted to) in the text above... strange.



Edited by Luso on 30 July 2014 at 7:18pm

2 persons have voted this message useful



Gemuse
Senior Member
Germany
Joined 4084 days ago

818 posts - 1189 votes 
Speaks: English
Studies: German

 
 Message 22 of 24
01 August 2014 at 1:56am | IP Logged 
Luso, what did you do to improve your English while you were preparing for the exam?
Napolean, what are you currently doing as preparation?
1 person has voted this message useful



napoleon
Tetraglot
Senior Member
India
Joined 5018 days ago

543 posts - 874 votes 
Speaks: Bengali*, English, Hindi, Urdu
Studies: French, Arabic (Written)

 
 Message 23 of 24
23 August 2014 at 9:17pm | IP Logged 
Gemuse wrote:
Napolean, what are you currently doing as preparation?

Very sorry for taking so long to reply.

I have both good news and bad.

First, the bad news. The British Council's lukewarm response leads me to suspect that I shall not be able to take the CPE after all. They've put me on a "wait-list" and they'll conduct the exam only if they get 14 other applicants.

Now, the good news. This thread has made me aware of the areas I need to work on. I've bought a couple of books towards that end:
1. Advanced Vocabulary in Use
2. Advanced Phrasal Verbs in Use
3. Advanced Idioms in Use

I'll work through them and try to improve my active grasp of vocabulary and idioms.

In short, I'm not doing anything special as far as the test is concerned. I do plan on finishing these books. Though, I'll probably take my time with them.
After all, the chances of me sitting the test this year are bleak, so, I'm in no hurry.

Edited by napoleon on 23 August 2014 at 10:56pm

1 person has voted this message useful



Jeffers
Senior Member
United Kingdom
Joined 4911 days ago

2151 posts - 3960 votes 
Speaks: English*
Studies: Hindi, Ancient Greek, French, Sanskrit, German

 
 Message 24 of 24
24 August 2014 at 12:15pm | IP Logged 
Sorry to hear that it will be a problem taking the CPE. Still, I hope your studies continue to go well. I also have noticed that your French is coming along, since you've passed me on the Super Challenge list. Nice job.


2 persons have voted this message useful



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