|
 |
How to start speaking... | ||
Tags: Relationship | ||
Share with:
| ||
 Language Learning Forum : Advice Center |  | |
| NMW Newbie Netherlands Joined 4298 days ago 36 posts - 46 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Dutch | Message 1 of 10 02 November 2012 at 9:34pm | IP Logged | ||
|
I am currently learning Dutch and I live with my Dutch boyfriend. The problem, however, is that I just don't have the courage to try and speak Dutch with him. We go over dialogues from textbooks together, each acting out our part, and that is ok. But when it comes to forming my own sentences I really struggle. We have been together for seven and a half years and for that time the language has been exclusively English. However, now that we live together it seems like I am wasting a good opportunity to practice my Dutch, and I know that it's an opportunity that most people on this forum would love, but my nerves just get the better of me, and if I'm this nervous with a guy that I love, how will I be able to talk to strangers?
1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| iguanamon Pentaglot Senior Member Virgin Islands Speaks: Ladino Joined 5073 days ago 2237 posts - 6731 votes  Speaks: English*, Spanish, Portuguese, Haitian Creole, Creole (French) | Message 2 of 10 02 November 2012 at 10:01pm | IP Logged | ||
|
In a couple situation this can be tricky. Living "in-country" is another kettle of fish. Benny Lewis addresses the situation of living in Spain and not being able to speak Spanish because he was living his life in English. It wasn't until he made the decision to stop speaking English completely that he actually became proficient in Spanish. Fi3M Smartest Decision You'll Ever Make to Achieve Language Proficiency Your needs are different from folks sitting at home far away from the TL country.
As far as not having the courage to speak, well, you've got to speak to speak. Sure, it's scary. You're going to make mistakes, lots of them. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Everyone does. God knows I still make plenty myself. You'll be corrected and you'll learn from it. It is an effective way to learn, especially if you have a patient native speaker's help. Somehow, you have to overcome your nervousness and not worry about being imperfect. If you can manage this, you'll be speaking a lot quicker and your language will be stronger quicker than if you ease into it. I'm not saying it's easy. It's not, but it has worked for me and others. As someone involved in a relationship, your partner has to be on-board with you refusing to speak English. It could cause major strains in your relationship, or, perhaps, even strengthen it. Hopefully emk will chime in because he learned French with the help of his French wife in addition to his own massive efforts. Benny also learned Dutch on his own while living in Holland and you may find his advice useful, or not. Some people here dislike his techniques. It's not for everybody. I thought his advice could help in your particular situation. You can do a search on his site for the posts on his Dutch mission. In any case I wish you good luck and welcome you to the forum. Edited by iguanamon on 02 November 2012 at 10:48pm 4 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| Serpent Octoglot Senior Member Russian Federation serpent-849.livejour Joined 6408 days ago 9753 posts - 15779 votes 4 sounds Speaks: Russian*, English, FinnishC1, Latin, German, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese Studies: Danish, Romanian, Polish, Belarusian, Ukrainian, Croatian, Slovenian, Catalan, Czech, Galician, Dutch, Swedish | Message 3 of 10 02 November 2012 at 11:25pm | IP Logged | ||
3 persons have voted this message useful | |||
 emk Diglot Moderator United States Joined 5343 days ago 2615 posts - 8806 votes Speaks: English*, FrenchB2 Studies: Spanish, Ancient Egyptian Personal Language Map | Message 4 of 10 03 November 2012 at 12:35am | IP Logged | ||
|
I started speaking French with my wife this past February, after 10 years of English. The first two weeks were pretty agonizing—I felt like my brain was melting, and I had the expressive abilities of a 3-year-old. After two weeks, it got easier, and by week 6, I could say a lot of stuff without thinking about it.
But this "no English" approach only worked because (1) my wife was amazingly patient with my bad French, and (2) because I was willing to sound like an idiot during even serious conversations for a while. But as Serpent points out, you don't need to stop using English. Just start using Dutch whenever you can. If you're willing to feel a little bit stupid and just go for it, you'll get better quickly. As for your boyfriend, remember that his brain is convinced that you speak English, not Dutch. It's going to be really weird for him to speak Dutch with you for a while, most likely. Also, looking at your earlier posts, I see you were on Assimil lesson 40 about two months ago. Did you have a chance to start the active wave yet? That will give you lots of practice building sentences in Dutch. It's also worth writing your boyfriend short emails or do some online chats in Dutch. That's great practice, because you get used to expressing yourself without feeling too awkward. If online chat is still really challenging, then you may not be ready to say very much. Keep studying and you'll be there in a month or two. Good luck! 6 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| viedums Hexaglot Senior Member Thailand Joined 4477 days ago 327 posts - 528 votes Speaks: Latvian, English*, German, Mandarin, Thai, French Studies: Vietnamese | Message 5 of 10 03 November 2012 at 4:57am | IP Logged | ||
|
I second Serpent’s point about talking to strangers (or acquaintances). It’s with them that you can have satisfying conversations using the kind of basic, formulaic language that you learn towards the beginning. Talk to people at work or in your neighborhood that you meet on a daily basis, and make small talk with them. Just exchanging greetings is actually successful interaction, and you can build from there - learn to ask questions and have them do most of the talking. Use your passive skills to build toward the active ones.
I live in Thailand and my partner is Thai, but we rarely use the language to communicate, for some reason. If I ask for her help with a specific language question, she provides it, but she seems to get irritated if I use Thai with her in conversation. I tease her about her English too, so it’s kind of a running joke with us. I used to get a lot of practice with my students (I teach English) because often they knew almost nothing and I’d need to repeat everything I said twice, once in English, once in Thai. Now I teach in a distance learning program so this isn’t possible, but I still have many opportunities to use Thai if I like with different people around my workplace. Living in-country, I think you can be confident that you’ll reach your goal, just be patient as emk suggests. edit: Also, you don't say if you're actually taking a class or not. That's the place to try out your speaking and build up active skills. Edited by viedums on 03 November 2012 at 5:06am 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| JohannaNYC Bilingual Triglot Senior Member United StatesRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4263 days ago 251 posts - 361 votes Speaks: Spanish*, English*, Italian Studies: Croatian, Serbian, Arabic (Egyptian) | Message 6 of 10 03 November 2012 at 1:52pm | IP Logged | ||
|
I also agree that it's easier to talk to a stranger than someone you know very well. To
get used to talking in Dutch with your boyfriend you could set up a timer for like 15 mins and only speak in your TL for those 15 mins. As your vocabulary and comfort level improve you can add a few extra minutes every few days, every week or whatever. Just make sure to practice with him everyday. 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| bela_lugosi Hexaglot Senior Member Finland Joined 6265 days ago 272 posts - 376 votes Speaks: English, Finnish*, Italian, Spanish, German, Swedish Studies: Russian, Estonian, Sámi, Latin | Message 7 of 10 04 November 2012 at 12:58am | IP Logged | ||
|
My ex-girlfriend wanted to practise her English with me instead of speaking only Italian which had been our primary language of communication from the very beginning of our relationship (because I was already fluent when I met her). We would often start having a conversation in English but always ended up switching back into Italian for some reason. I think it was because I subconsciously refused to think of her as an English speaker and then again she would often pause in the middle of speech because her vocabulary wasn't that extensive and then simply stop talking, so the whole thing proved mentally too challenging for both of us.
I don't mean to discourage you in any way but I think that you'll learn more Dutch if you start speaking it everywhere and with everybody - strangers or not. Do not just rely on your boyfriend's help because he might find it really odd to speak Dutch with you. However, if you insist and do not speak a word of English to him for a few weeks, that should do the trick. ;) 3 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| NMW Newbie Netherlands Joined 4298 days ago 36 posts - 46 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Dutch | Message 8 of 10 04 November 2012 at 1:38pm | IP Logged | ||
|
Thanks for all of the advice! I'm going to work on my self-talking and we are going to have some time periods where we sit down and only use Dutch. I guess I also need to get over this rather irrational fear and just use Dutch in day to day life.
1 person has voted this message useful |
|  | 
Printable version
|
| Copyright 2024 FX Micheloud - All rights reserved No part of this website may be copied by any means without my written authorization. |
