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Would you find it disrespectful? | ||
Tags: Relationship | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : Cultural Experiences in Foreign Languages |  | |
 jeff_lindqvist Diglot Moderator SwedenRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 6906 days ago 4250 posts - 5711 votes  Speaks: Swedish*, English Studies: German, Spanish, Russian, Dutch, Mandarin, Esperanto, Irish, French Personal Language Map | Message 17 of 61 15 July 2012 at 11:34pm | IP Logged | ||
I can't but wonder how they got to know each other in the first place, but I suppose that's beyond the scope of this topic. :) Edited by jeff_lindqvist on 16 July 2012 at 12:38am 1 person has voted this message useful | |||
| frenkeld Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 6940 days ago 2042 posts - 2719 votes Speaks: Russian*, English Studies: German | Message 18 of 61 15 July 2012 at 11:49pm | IP Logged | ||
No, I do not assume this, that's why I had a smiley after my statement. The issue of how to communicate with the relatives has to be settled in each particular case. With my wife being from India, English has been an easy and nearly complete solution with all the family members but my mother-in-law, who reads newspapers in English, but speaks it only rather haltingly, so even though I really like her I don't talk to her as much during my visits there than I would if I had learned Hindi to a decent level, but I haven't learned it yet and my wife has never held it against me. Now, if my mother-in-law didn't speak English at all, I would have more of an incentive to learn Hindi. Again, these matters can only be settled on a case-by-case basis - there can be no general rules about it. Edited by frenkeld on 15 July 2012 at 11:59pm 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| dinguino Nonaglot Groupie GermanyRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4751 days ago 55 posts - 96 votes Speaks: English, German*, FrenchC1, Catalan, Latin, Italian, Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese Studies: Norwegian, Turkish, Russian, Irish | Message 19 of 61 16 July 2012 at 12:23am | IP Logged | ||
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I don't find it disrespectful at all! I'm in the situation speaker A and speaker B live in country C, or even more complicated:
I'm half German half Irish and my girlfriend is half Colombian half Spanish and we're living in France. Since we got to know each other here in France we have been speaking French all the time. I already had in my mind to learn Spanish one day but chose Italian (and French!) first. After one month together I bought a book and started to learn Spanish - more or less without telling her I was doing it seriously with several hours a day. Apart from that, she wasn't aware of the fact I was some kind of language freak. I then began a conversation in Spanish with her that lasted some minutes... She was SO BAFFLED and I absolutely enjoyed this moment! When I met her the first time, all I knew was "no tengo amigos" :D Nowadays we normally continue speaking French but when we are alone for some long time, we totally switch to Spanish. When we are outside it is very difficult to maintain this because we have to speak French with everybody else in every situation. I find this very sad sometimes because I would love to speak to her in her mother tongue. My girlfriend never wanted to learn German seriously and doesn't seem that interested. I once bought her a little German book for Spanish native speakers and I taught her some phrases and expressions but that's all. I am not upset or anything, really she has enough to do and I can understand if she devotes her free time to something other than learning languages. And the fact that she doesn't want to learn my language doesn't mean she's not interested in my country, my culture etc. Not at all! 5 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| Hekje Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 4700 days ago 842 posts - 1330 votes Speaks: English*, Dutch Studies: French, Indonesian | Message 20 of 61 16 July 2012 at 12:29am | IP Logged | ||
I strongly agree with this. My mother (first and home language Chinese) and father (native language Dutch) never learned a word of each other's native languages. They divorced recently, but it didn't have anything to do with that. My personal experience has only ever been from the other side. I was with a Dutch guy for some time, and, especially at the beginning, my Dutch was abysmal. He didn't seem to mind. He already liked me, that's why we were together. I think my interest in Dutch culture was actually much more important, and you can learn a surprising amount about that without knowing much of the language. 3 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| ZombieKing Bilingual Diglot Senior Member Canada Joined 4524 days ago 247 posts - 324 votes Speaks: English*, Mandarin* | Message 21 of 61 16 July 2012 at 12:41am | IP Logged | ||
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I can not and will not ask anyone I date to learn Chinese for me. If I'm happy with them, what does it matter which language we use? If they want to learn Chinese, I would be delighted and offer them my help. If not, that's fine too. (Hopefully) they like and appreciate me for who I am, them not speaking Chinese doesn't take away from that fact.
Same goes for if I were dating a Chinese person who didn't want to learn English. Though I doubt there'd be many Chinese people I'd date that wouldn't be interested in learning any English :) 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| tarvos Super Polyglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member China likeapolyglot.wordpr Joined 4704 days ago 5310 posts - 9399 votes Speaks: Dutch*, English, Swedish, French, Russian, German, Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Afrikaans Studies: Greek, Modern Hebrew, Spanish, Portuguese, Czech, Korean, Esperanto, Finnish | Message 22 of 61 16 July 2012 at 1:11am | IP Logged | ||
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It's not about asking them to, it's just them showing an interest in you.
3 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| 98789 Diglot Groupie Colombia Joined 5040 days ago 48 posts - 55 votes Speaks: Spanish*, English | Message 23 of 61 16 July 2012 at 1:21am | IP Logged | ||
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First, sorry if my answer is repetitive or something, but I don't want to read all the previous answers (I won't say I'm the "busyman", but, I'm neither the nothing-to-do one... =P )
ok, so, how did those hipotetical persons meet ? Or the man spoke her in her language, or they both speak a common language (let's say... English, if they're not native speakers of it) Second case... simply communicate using it. (ok, if the man wanted to learn her language, "awww... that's so sweet", but HE WANTED) First case... ok, you caught her using her language, so, you already knew it (at least the basics, and probably "used" her to help you to improve your skills), so... are you really pretending someone is going to learn a whole new language (maybe she's not interesting in that in particular) just because her/his loved one speaks it ? I don't know if this makes me a bigger idiot (I'm plenty sure it doesn't), but, I wouldn't ... 2 persons have voted this message useful | |||
| frenkeld Diglot Senior Member United States Joined 6940 days ago 2042 posts - 2719 votes Speaks: Russian*, English Studies: German | Message 24 of 61 16 July 2012 at 2:06am | IP Logged | ||
Not everyone's identity is wrapped up in their language. There are enough human values that transcend specific cultures, and not everyone is into languages. 9 persons have voted this message useful |
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